Page 32 of Through the Ice


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“Hey, whoa, I am really sorry about snapping at you.” Quentin closed his eyes and leaned into the table, his expression softening at me. “That was shitty. Sorry Audrey. I know you weren’t doing that. I’m really struggling with all this shit, okay? I’m lashing out. You’re the last person I want to hurt.”

“You didn’t let me finish my sentence,” I whispered.

He nodded. “You’re right. Please, can you say what you were going to? I promise not to be a dick.”

“Sure.” I ran my fingers over the table, grounding myself for a beat. “You want to get drafted, so you could ask him the process of talking to coaches or lawyers, see what he did well?”

He arched one brow before shrugging. “Yeah, I could do that.”

“You don’t plan to.” I deflated.

“It’s a good idea, yeah, but I can talk to Reiner about all that.” Quentin relaxed into his chair, his expression so familiar it made my chest ache. He looked so much like our dad, and it made me wish for those days when the three of us did trips to the grocery store together. “We’re good, right Auds?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay, so I gotta tell you about the guys and what we did last weekend. It was wild….”

He went on to tell stories of their parties, shenanigans, and I listened the entire time. Not one did he ask about my clinicals or classes. But that was normal. Quentin liked to talk about himself the most.

This was the first time it really bothered me.

I let him think we were good because what choice did I have? Alienate the only real family I had left? That thought was too depressing to follow, so I sat there, shoving away my hurt and pretending everything was all right.

The anticipation of seeing Theo died fast when they split us up Thursday. Besides a quick wave, I hadn’t seen him all day, and it surprised me that I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to watch his expressions when he listened and his focus when he was tasked with something.

I also really wanted to ask about the kiss, but girls didn’t do that, did they? Theo probably kissed women all the time. He was a hockey star going to the NHL. A quick peck on the mouth for him was nothing, a blink of an eye. Yet, it felt special and meaningful and ugh.

My life was out of control.

During our break, Theo didn’t come to the outside portion like we did last time, and disappointment hit me right in the chest. It was wild how much I wanted to talk to him. But he could be avoiding me because of the kiss and brother thing. It made sense.

I’d never been anyone’s first choice ever and never expected to be. My mom told me during her grief that life was about setting realistic expectations. If I expected to never be a priority, then being chose second or being forgotten wouldn’t hurt.

The rest of the shift flew by, a myriad of experiences and questions that made my mind blur. It was all so fascinating, and losing myself in this role felt great. The worry about Quentin or Theo left, and I had a purpose. A real meaning for being here, and damn, that filled me up with hope.

I clocked out and made my way to the exit when a familiar voice called my name.

“Audrey, hey, Auds! Wait up!”

Theo.

My skin flushed as I angled my head toward him. He walk-jogged toward me with a huge grin on his face. Almost like he was happy to see me. He’d avoided me earlier, so that didn’t add up. “Hello, Theo.”

“Hello, Theo?” He raised his brows. “We’ve raged together, accidentally seen each other in underwear, and you said hello like we’re stuffy graduate professors? Come on, girl, I get more than a hello.”

“Hi?”

“Better.” He grinned, and his stare felt like a caress as it moved from my hair to my eyes to my mouth. His expression shifted to concern real fast. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Could this man read minds?

“Did I upset you? I don’t… I can’t think…” He ran a hand over his hair, his frown stretching across his face as he stared at me. “Fuck. I didn’t meet you at break. I’m sorry! It was Marcy?—”

“It’s okay.” I shook my head, my stomach tightening with the conversation. I wanted it to end. It was stupid. It didn’t matter that I missed him. “You’re busy. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Audrey.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed, a tender expression on his face. “Auds, I promise you it was Marcy. She wanted me to observe this routine procedure with one cardiac patient, and it was fascinating, but I should’ve texted you.”

“No. You shouldn’t have. You don’t need to explain yourself.” It was foolish to think we were more than just casual friends, so there was no reason for my stomach to twist with nerves.

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