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Those words weren’t enough to soothe me. My heart hurt in my chest, bringing the fear of death. My hair stuck to my face with sweat. I trembled beneath the blankets that made me too hot.
It wasn’t my first panic attack. Ollie had taken me for checkups with Novaletti twice last week.
Sadness rolled down my face, pulling down my cheeks and making them wet. Remi was off the floor, on the bed, and scooping me into his lap in seconds.
“You’re okay, Cat.” Holding me close, he started humming the first verse of my song. “Sing the next line with me.”
Wrapped up in my trauma, I missed a few words. His voice made love to my ears until mine invaded the moment with the line, “...with memories that bring me to my knees. Darling, don’t give up on me.”
An easy breath slipped out of me. I relaxed. The feel of grey sweatpants was soft against my legs as I moved against them for sensory pleasure. My head lolled against his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart.
“You good?”
I nodded, gazing up at him. Sharp features stared back, softened by concern. His hands moved over my face, wiping tears from my cheeks with soft thumbs.
“I had the worst dream.”
Holding around his hands, I cherished the touch, having missed him and the feeling of his skin on mine. The way his naked chest rose and fell, all those little stuffed animals on display, puffing their chests, told me he felt the same.
Moving our hands into my lap, we both squeezed. His ring was still on his finger, and my rings were still on mine. We both noticed, staring down at the jewelry.
“You died. You were at one of those houses, trying to save girls. Trying to save me. And you died in a really horrific way. And I was locked in a cage and couldn’t help you.”
“It was just a nightmare. I’m okay. I’ve been here for hours.”
“You usually stay in the chair.”
“I often stay awake. The guy put up a little more fight earlier, but don’t worry. He’s gone, and the girl and two young boys he had are now safe.”
“Are you hurt?” I hated that he might be.
“No, but I guess that’s why I’m actually tired tonight, and my head kept dropping forward on the chair. My neck was stiff, and I have a big day tomorrow.”
I nodded, already knowing about the charity show. A field had been rented, a stage set, and all the proceeds were going to some charity that had become important to him. I didn’t know details on that, having secondhand information from Dec.
“Sleep in the bed tonight?”
I pulled him down as I lay back, and he moved to my side, puffing a pillow and lying down with me. I reached across him, my arm bending uncomfortably, and found his ear. Careful of his hearing aid, my fingers moved around the curves and contours.
“I’ve missed you so much. Missed this, just lying here with you.”
“I miss you, too. But you messed up big time.”
“I know I did. I’ve always been selfish when it comes to you, never able to get enough.”
I could agree with that.
“Can we talk now? You didn’t want to the other night. But I have so much I want to say to you.”
“We can talk.”
“I’m gonna start with I’m sorry. I’m so beyond sorry. I did terrible things to you.” His arm slinked around my waist, holding me close. “I stood back and did nothing when you were sold. I gave you up for a bag of coke like you meant nothing to me. I stalked you and found you with a man who had bought you, and I paid him money to let me into your room. I ignored your wishes, and I raped you because I wanted you so much, and you were done with my shit, and some stupid fucking voice in my head convinced me that I could make you love me.”
I flinched, his slow words causing me pain. His grip tightened, silently asking me to stay close. We both trembled.
“But the worst thing I did was keep it all a secret when I found you again, and you couldn’t remember me. The worst thing I did was pretend to be your happy ending when I was always the villain causing you pain in your story.”
“You did awful things to me.” I refused to fight the tears that fell.
