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My body still has the tingles from our time this morning. I can still remember how warm he felt pressed to me. The way his tongue felt as he lapped at my essence like it was manna from heaven. Even his scent still lingers in my nostrils. Yet, the reminder that the high will eventually wear off keeps stomping through my head.
“Girl, what is wrong with you?” Trina says, grabbing my attention from the paper napkin I was just tearing up.
“Earlier you were giddy and glowing and now you seem all depressed. And honestly, I’ve seen that dick imprint, you got nothing to be depressed about.”
Scrunching up my nose at her, I say, “No more dick jokes.”
“Oh no ma’am. You got about two months of this. Remember how long you teased me about little dick Terry, and I was in love with that boy. Not to mention you still call my husband Mr.”
I laugh out loud for the first time since we left the house. She has a point.
“Fair,” I finally admit.
Trina sinks back in her seat, eyeing me wearily. “Mmhmm, why are you changing the subject. What’s up with you?”
I lean back in my chair mimicking her. After glancing over to Gabe on the story time rug, I give my attention back to my friend.
“This morning with Gabriel was…” I try to come up with a word to describe what I felt but nothing seems sufficient enough. I settle on the closest I can think of. “It was euphoric.”
“I bet it was.” Trina wiggles her eyebrows at me.
I chuckle but quickly fade back to seriousness. “The way he devoured me and the things he said as he brought me to climax over and over,” I shut my eyes as his deep voice plays back in my head. “I want to haunt you like you haunted me.”
“Okay, so what’s the problem?”
I open my eyes and the memory fades. Glancing back over to Gabe, I confess. “He’s not staying.”
She’s silent for a moment causing me to look back at her.
“Are you sure about that? Because the way he looked at you in the kitchen doesn’t lead me to believe he’s not sticking around. For a moment I thought he was going to toss your ass on the table and fuck you in front of me. And I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t leaving.”
Rolling my eyes, I snort. “Nasty self.”
She shrugs as if she’s unoffended by my comment.
“But seriously,” I continue. “I know Gabriel. Even if he did want to stay, he won’t. He thinks he’s not good enough to be with us.”
He hasn’t admitted it, but I know him enough to know he deals with insecurities. He fears he will hurt one of us. I’m not saying it isn’t a valid fear. Gabriel is huge and when he goes to that dark place, he is terrifying. However, I know in my heart he will never allow himself to slip up and hurt us. He just doesn’t know it. And because of that, I know he will leave.
“So, just enjoy it while it lasts.”
I’m shaking my head before she finishes that sentence. “I can’t.”
“What? Why?”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. “You know those apartments Raina use to stay at before she met Mitch?”
She nods.
“One night, I got really high. I was feeling good. I went up on to the roof of the building with this guy. He thought we were going up to fuck, but I wasn’t having that. Anyway, we get up there and I’m so out of my mind that I walk up to the edge of the roof. Not only do I have about two lines of raw coke in my system, I’d been doing Tequila shots with it.
“I remember being up on that ledge, looking down at the specks of people walking along the sidewalk feeling like I was untouchable. The guy I was with was pleading with me to get down, but I was laughing as I leaned over the edge.”
I shake my head as I come out of the memory. When I look up at Trina her eyes are a bit misty.
“When I’m with Gabriel I feel like that night again. It’s as if I’m floating on a high so pure that nothing can hurt me. We are in a bubble when we’re together. He makes me want to walk close to the ledge. And for me that’s dangerous.”
“How?” She asks.
