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4
Carrigan
“Iwant you to have sex with me.” Even as the words are coming out of my mouth I can’t believe I’m actually saying them, and least of all to Carson Windsor. For the last four years I’ve had it drilled into me that having sex before my wedding night would literally ruin my life, my parents’ life, and my entire future. But here I am now asking a guy, I don’t even particularly like, to take my virginity.
“What?” he says, actually jolting away from me, the shock and disgust obvious in his voice.
“I have to be a virgin when I get married, if I’m not I forfeit the inheritance and this is over. Done in a matter of minutes,” I say, trying to sound confident and pragmatic, and not like this is as big a deal as it actually is to me.
Despite it being one of the clauses of the will, I actually like the idea of only ever having sex with my husband, but I need to get over that unless I want to end up married to Rupert Overston. My skin actually crawls as I think about letting Rupert touch me, the man repulses me and I’ll never, never, agree to marry him, no matter how much money I’ll inherit by doing it.
“Is this a joke?” Carson demands, in that tone he keeps using that instantly makes me want to do whatever he tells me to.
“No,” I say, shaking my head to emphasize the word.
“You want me to fuck you?”
Flinching at the word fuck, I close my eyes and suck in a slow calming breath. “Yes.”
“Why?” he growls.
“Why?” I echo, unsure what he means.
“Why me? Wats offered to fuck you the other week, so why me?”
“Because,” I snap, looking away from his probing eyes.
“Priss, you better get those eyes back on mine, I already told you I need you to be looking at me when you speak to me,” he snarls.
I don’t know why I comply, but I do, instantly looking at him, then immediately wishing I hadn’t. His face is granite, his lips set in a hard line, his eyes tight as he watches me.
“I want a reason. Why me? Why not Wats or Olly, or hell, one of the minions who follow you around sniffing at your cunt even knowing they’re never going to get a taste.”
“Because.” I stop, not wanting to admit the truth.
“That’s not an answer Priss.”
“Because I’d rather it be with someone I’m at least attracted to,” I confess in a rush, my cheeks blooming with heat as embarrassment consumes me.
Carson is silent for the longest moment of my life and I’m grateful for the reprieve, but hate that he made me confess it at all. What guy doesn’t want easy sex? I mean I know I’m a virgin and that’s not great, but still, surely sex is sex to a teenage boy.
“I don’t know Carrigan, losing your virginity is a big deal.”
“This wouldn’t be,” I insist. “This is just about breaking the will. Think of it as helping my sister get free of our parents. This is the only thing I can think of that will get me and Tallulah free of them, without me having to get arrested.”
“So we just have sex, what if they don’t believe you, what if your parents pay off the lawyers or something,” Carson says, his voice wary.
“That’s why we’d need to record it,” I whisper, completely unable to look at him now, no matter what he says.
“You want us to make a sex tape,” he says slowly.
“No,” I say quickly. “Oh my god no.”
“Carrigan if we record ourselves having sex, that’s a sex tape,” he says drolly.
“All the recording would be is evidence, as soon as the lawyers confirm that I broke the clause I’ll destroy it. Hopefully no one will ever have to see it, it’s just a failsafe in case my parents figure out what I’m doing. We can make sure that no one knows it’s you, that the only person that’s identifiable is me,” I tell him, trying to sound clinical and detached, and failing. I don’t feel detached, I feel panic stricken. I’m not sure if I’m terrified that he’ll say yes, or that he’ll say no, but either way my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest.
After what feels like an eternity of silence, but was probably no more than two or three minutes, I lift my head to find him watching me, his expression guarded but not full of disgust and loathing like I’d expected.
