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“What are you thinking?” I whirled to Lucy.
Instead of a tearful mess, she glared back at me. “I’m thinking of telling the truth – you should try it sometime!”
“Are you serious right now? Do you have any idea what will happen?”
Lucy shrugged with the arrogance of youth that I’d never had the luxury of having. For as long as I could remember, I hadn’t had the privilege of being childish or irresponsible. I’d been Lucy’s caretaker since I was thirteen, and suddenly, I was so tired.
“The police will arrest those killers and protect us,” Lucy said.
A ragged laugh left me. “Right. Because the police always manage to protect witnesses and bad guys are always caught, right? Don’t be such a child. You have to be stronger than this.”
Lucy’s glare only heated up. “Strong like you? I never want to be like you.”
Her words stung, and her anger sparked my own. “And what the hell does that mean?”
“Joyless, alone, a workaholic, a worrier. You never do anything fun, you never laugh, you never take a break from being a fucking nag!”
I flinched back from that verbal slap. Tears warred with fury inside me.
“Whatever you might think about me, the police won’t protect us. Neither you nor I have the power to take down Renato De Sanctis, and he’ll kill you. He promised me he would if we go to the cops, and I’ll bet he’s a man of his word.”
Lucy swallowed hard and shook her head. “You’re just scared of him, and everyone—”
“You’re the reason this is all happening,” I interrupted silkily. It was a horrible thing to say, but her cruel outburst of honesty had ripped something inside me. “This danger, this threat…it’s all because of you.”
I stepped closer to my little sister. My greatest love and my greatest burden all at once. Taking care of her had always been both a privilege and duty. Tonight, the resentments of a lifetime bubbled out.
“Because you couldn’t stay out of trouble. Because you let a loser, wannabe drug dealer gangster into our lives, we’re in this mess. Because you have no idea what the real world is like – and maybe that’s my fault. If you want to know why I work all the time, why I’m always worried – look in the mirror. I have a child I never asked for, and she can’t even be grateful.
I’ve protected you my entire life, even when I was just a kid. So, I never got to be one. Maybe I should be done with that. Provide for yourself, go to the police if you want…let’s see how long you last – but don’t call me when the police take a statement and send you away to watch out for yourself while they investigate. And certainly, don’t call me when the De Sanctis family takes you to a warehouse by the docks and presses a gun to your head.”
Lucy’s face had leached of color as I spit my vitriol at her. I spun on my heel even as her hurt expression etched itself into my memory. I’d never forget that expression.
I headed back to my room, my righteous anger quickly running out of steam. I slammed the door and sank down to the floor, curling into a ball.
For the first time in longer than I could remember, I cried.
I sobbed my fucking heart out.
* * *
I had a poundingheadache by the time I made it to work. I was scared of leaving Lucy on her own in case she decided to go back to the cops, but I didn’t know what else to do. We needed money, and the tips from my job saved us every month. I couldn’t miss this shift on such short notice. I just had to hope that my uncharacteristic outburst had slapped some sense into her.
So, I’d pulled my hair back, washed my puffy eyes with cool water, slapped on some makeup, and went out to be an adult. So far, it sucked.
I’d already seen five doctors I knew from the hospital, and they’d seen me, too. To their credit, every single one had been friendly and greeted me, but I still felt small.
“Charlotte!” a jovial voice shouted at me across the room as I circled with water refills.
Gritting my teeth, I approached him. Doctor Dan and his fucking punchable grin. His table was full of his Princeton pals.
He patted the seat beside him. “Sure you don’t want to join us?” He gave me what he clearly thought was a charming grin.
“I’m working, as you can probably tell.” I lifted the heavy water carafe. “I don’t just carry this around as an accessory.”
Some of his friends sniggered, and Dan’s smile turned brittle.
“Yes, I see. Well, when you have a chance, I’ll take the cocktail menu,” he said to me and then turned back to his friends. “She’s some intern at the hospital, you know the type. Never going to finish her degree, trashy family situation…”
