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Ferris’s face fills the screen again. “Be still, my beating heart. No one can pull off goose down like Hudson. Not even geese. He’s … just everything a man should be, no? I watched that video four times before I realized one very important fact. Someone else is there with him. The person making the video, which brings us to my first segment of the day: Who’s Taking the Video, Hmmm?”
The words appear next to Ferris, and he shouts, “Hey, Hudson, dreamboat! Who’s taking the video, hmmm? Who is it? Is it that Allegra Camma-boring person? I hope not, for your sake. Because, BORING! And if it is her, you better not be kissing her because no. And that leads us to our next segment: No, Just No.”
The graphic appears and Ferris shouts, “No! Just, no, Hudson! Don’t you dare fall in love with her! She is not for you. She belongs with some graphic-tee-wearing geek with ingrown toenails and halitosis. Not you. No! Your perfect match is someone like … Emma Stone, who can act and sing and dance and make us fall for her, or … Sophia Loren in her prime.”
The words disappear, and Ferris’s face fills the screen. “Okay, so one last segment, then I have to get out of this coat before I die of heatstroke. And that segment is called: Look at You, Being Brilliant.
“Hudson! Hudson? Hudson. Look at you, being brilliant. You’ve got a screwdriver and you’re using words like diaphragm pump! I told you you were smart! And the rest of Hollywood better sit up and take notice, because Hudson Finch is not only fire, he’s also a fucking genius. Mic drop. And I’m out. Time to go jump in the pool.”
Text to Gershwyn:
Me
Just in case you try to reach me, I’m up in Black Creek, in the mountains, visiting an array of telescopes. Also, we’re snowed in for the night, but not to worry because there’s lots of food and I’m in a building with heat and running water.
Gershwyn
Who’s we???
Me
Allie and me.
Gershwyn
Really??? Just the two of you? Alone? In a cabin in the woods?
Me
Yes, but it’s a research facility in the mountains.
Gershwyn
Hmmm … what will you do to pass the time?
Me
She wants to spend a few hours going over the computer equipment with me.
Gershwyn
That’s boring.
Me
No, it’s really nice of her. She’s definitely helping me out.
Gershwyn
Okay, but if the opportunity presents itself, I say go for it.
Me
Not having this conversation again.
Gershwyn
Why? Is she reading over your shoulder or something?
