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“Dio santo! She’s at the hospital,” he says. “I told you something was wrong.”
“What happened?” my mom says, her voice getting closer. “Put her on speaker, Enzo.”
The phone clicks and I can hear that I’m now on speaker phone. “I’m fine, but Hudson got bit by a spider.”
“Hudson who?” my dad asks.
Oh Lord. Here we go. My mom is going to be so annoyed that he forgot.
“The one who’s following her around at work. You know, we watched Allegra meet him on Entertainment Nightly.”
“Oh right, him,” my dad says. “Is he even a big star? I can’t think of a movie of his I’ve seen.”
“That one about the lifeguard,” I tell him.
“With the blonde woman with the huge knockers?”
“Enzo, you can’t say knockers anymore. It’s not politically correct,” Ma says.
“Can I say cans?”
Why couldn’t they have just let the call go to voicemail? “Dad, it’s better to find other ways to describe people than breast size.”
“But it’s true. And she had them made that big so clearly she wants people to notice them,” he says.
I glance at the door to Hudson’s room, finding myself suddenly desperate to get off the phone. “Not necessarily, but I don’t have time to talk about it right now. I need to check on Hudson. I just wanted to let you know where I was and tell you I may not make it home tonight.”
“Is he that bad?” my mom asks.
“It’s not great, but I think he’ll be fine.”
“If he’ll be fine, you should come home,” my dad says, and I know he doesn’t want me hanging around with a famous actor who isn’t even a little bit Italian.
“I really can’t. He doesn’t have anyone else here to help him out.”
“That’s fine, dear,” Ma says. “We have to go too. Looks like Reba’s pissed at Chance the Rapper for blocking her again.”
“All right. Enjoy.”
I hang up, then stand, staring at the door to Hudson’s room. Hudson, the sweet, thoughtful, charming, handsome man who is totally going to crush my little heart.
13
Awkward Examinations, Flirty Fun, and Guessing Games
Hudson
“Let’s have a look at your penis,” Dr. Blaire says. “Make sure everything’s fine now that it seems to have returned to normal.”
Oh God, let’s not. She puts on some blue gloves, snapping them at her wrists, then lifts the sheet and pulls it down and out of her way. I stare up at the ceiling, too nervous to look down, even though I’m comfortably numb otherwise.
She lowers her face a little closer and lifts my penis, moving it from side to side. “How long will you be in town?”
God, this is awkward. “Another five weeks.”
“Oh, that’s nice. There’s a lovely Thai restaurant not far from here. They make the best yellow coconut curry I’ve had, and I’ve actually been to Thailand.”
Is she low-key asking me out? Please let go of my penis. “Well, that sounds… I’ll have to check it out.”
