“No, that’s hard, there’s no two ways about it,” Karen says. “I can see why it would make you defensive.”
“And offensive,” Niles adds.
“All right, Niles, no need to pile on,” Savannah says. “The woman said she’s sorry. Let’s just let it go.”
“I don’t want to,” he says. “She may have done a lot of damage to all of our programs. At the very least, she certainly didn’t help. It’s not like Ty needed more reasons to shut us down.”
Everyone turns to look at Ty, and my heart pounds a little harder. Whatever he says next is going to either make or break me with these people.
He shakes his head. “To be honest with you, Gwen just said what I was already thinking, and even if she had managed to sway my opinion—which she didn’t—the end result is the same. I’m pulling out of the foundation. I’m not going to pick a favorite project or two to save. So, for the rest of the trip, can everyone please just stop?”
Niles nods and gazes at the fire. “Yeah, I guess so. If life’s taught me anything, it’s to know when you’re beat.”
“But let’s not give up,” Karen says. “Who knows? Maybe Skip will honor Richard’s wishes.”
I nod and offer her a hopeful smile, even though I have a bad feeling that’s not going to happen. “Anything’s possible, right?”
She smiles back which I take as a sign that she’s over what happened. “I like to think so.”
Rohan yawns, then says, “Okay, Ty, you’re the last one.”
Ty looks around, then says, “You know what? It’s been a really long day and it’s getting late. I think we should all just turn in.”
Rohan glances at the urn, then back at Ty and shakes his head. “All right then.”
Dropping his shoulders, Ty says, “Right, it was his last wish, so I guess I have to. I’m going to answer what I’m most proud of.”
“I know what I’d be proud of, if I were you,” Thiago says, rubbing his fingers and thumb together like he’s holding some cash.
Ty gives him a little nod, then says, “That’s not it, actually. It’s nice, but what I’m most proud of, or I guess I should say, who I’m most proud of, is my little brother, Michael. Not a lot of people know I have a brother. I don’t want to expose him to all the … noise of the world. Michael has autism and he lives with me. I’ve been looking after him since he was twelve and I was nineteen, and to be honest, it’s been the greatest privilege of my life. Forget being in Forbes Top 40 Under 40, or meeting the president. None of that means anything, it’s just…” he waves his hand, “…strange. But watching him start to open up and start talking or seeing him smile or making him laugh, now that’s real. He’s come so far since he was a little kid. So far, and now he’s this funny, smart, surprisingly insightful, brutally honest person I get to spend my free time with.”
The emotion in Ty’s voice and the sincerity in his face is enough to bring tears to my eyes. He’s completely lit up, like a parent is when they talk about their child, and in a way, I guess Michael is very much like his child. I just want to jump up and go hug him, and I’m guessing the other women sitting around this fire are having that same desire right now. He clears his throat, then looks at the urn. “There, I hope that counts.”
Rohan nods at him. “I think Dr. Napper would’ve said it did.”
“Good,” Ty answers. “Because nobody here owes Richard more than I do, and we all owe him a lot.”
Later, as I climb into the hammock and stare up at the thatched roof above, I think about everything that happened today, about what I learned, not only about the other people I’m with, but about myself too. I guess Dr. Napper was right—maybe we are meeting ourselves for the first time out here. And I don’t like what I saw today. Yes, it’s good to stand up for yourself, but not when it means putting someone down. Especially someone weaker than you.
My entire life, I’ve thought I was such a fighter when the truth is, I’ve been the weaker one, and my family has been putting me down. Instead of understanding how much that hurts and deciding never to do it to anyone else, I’ve been doing the exact same thing. I’m an elitist even though that’s the thing I hate the most about my parents.
Silent tears roll down my cheeks as I think about how wise Niles has turned out to be, or how kind Karen is or how Savannah has been through some awful shit, and yet she still holds her head high and does her best. I think about how strong they all are—truly strong, not just pretending, like I’ve been doing. I think about how much Ty clearly loves his little brother and how his face lit up when he talked about him. He’s not the man I thought he was. Not even close. Guilt creeps over me as I think about the pleasure I took in throwing darts at his picture or how many times I’ve gotten up on that stage and clearly told the crowd at the bar I was dedicating the song to the worst man on Earth.
Here I’ve been, spending my life judging others while simultaneously raging whenever anyone judges me. Talk about a foolish way to live. But maybe it’s not too late to change. And I can start trying right now.
22
There’s the Smart Choice, and There’s the Tempting One…
Ty
One thing about being awake all night is it gives you a lot of time to think, which isn’t always a good thing. If I at least had my laptop, I could make use of the time, catching up on emails and making sure things are going smoothly with the transition at the company. But instead, I lay in my hammock until the sun finally crept up through the mosquito netting, listening to splashes in the river nearby and the birds chattering away, my stomach tied up in impossible knots. Because without the distraction of a multi-national corporation to run or Michael to look after or the ability to help Anika in her role as COO, I have nothing to do but reflect on my own actions. The last two days’ events are rumbling around relentlessly in my brain, as well as the knowledge of how the lives of the people with whom I’m surrounded right now are going to change permanently.
I’d rather not know their origin stories or what sad lives they had before Richard found them and gave them a sense of purpose and people with whom to share their days. I’d much prefer to forget what Niles said about bitter people stuck on childhood traumas (which I’m sure is true for most people, but in my case is totally different). I also absolutely don’t want to think about what will become of the group when they lose their jobs. Because let’s face it, they are going to lose their jobs. Skip is not about to come through for them and neither am I.
Even if someone does swoop in and buy the team out from under me, I can’t exactly go back on what I’ve been saying publicly for years—that the foundation is an embarrassment, a waste of money, and that I’m out the first chance I get. How would that look to the other billionaires at the club? Just kidding. There is no billionaires’ club, despite what people think. Although, I have been to a golf club on Maui that I don’t think has members that have less than three commas in their bank account statements.
But I digress, which I suppose is what I want to do because not thinking about the lives of Nigel, Karen, Savannah, and Gwen is so much easier than thinking about them. It’s easy to screw people over when you don’t know them. Once you’ve gotten a glimpse into their realities, however, it’s damn hard not to want to rush in and save them. Although I suppose one could make an argument that saving them would actually be a patriarchal thing to do, and that instead, I should trust them to save themselves because they’re all competent adults. Huh, yeah, that feels better. In a way, it’s actually more respectful to let them sort out their own lives. If only I could convince myself of that, I’d be able to offload a lot of the guilt I’m feeling right now.