“Oh dear. Is it fixed now?”
“Yes, but it took a total of thirteen minutes for Jane and me to wipe it down, and now my hands smell like the cleaning product, even though I’ve washed them three times already.”
“What if you use some vinegar? That’s supposed to help with smells.”
“Because, Ty, if I do that, my hands will smell like vinegar, and I hate vinegar.”
“Right, I can see the problem.”
“Greta’s warming some water and putting lemon in it because I do like the smell of lemons. She thinks that will help, but I’m not convinced.”
I stifle a laugh, then say, “It’s worth a shot.”
“Yes, I suppose. And where are you today? Are you in the Andes or the Amazon? I assume it’s one of the two.”
“We’re in the Andes. Still in the Sacred Valley.”
“Machu Picchu is in the Sacred Valley. Is that where you are?”
“No. We’re in a different place called Ollantaytambo right now. I’m not sure if we’ll go to Machu Picchu or not.”
“Well, if I were you, I’d be hoping to go there rather than to the Amazon. Did you know there is a tiny fish in the Amazon River that some people call the vampire fish?”
“I did not.”
“I will tell you about it then, in case you end up there.”
“Thank you.” I smile, knowing how much he loves teaching me new things.
“Apparently, the vampire fish, which interestingly enough is also called a toothpick fish, is attracted to the scent of urine and is capable of crawling into the human urethra and lodging itself in there, which would be very bad.”
Wincing, I say, “Yeah, that sounds bad.”
“There is one documented case from 1997 in which a man claims he was standing in the river urinating when one jumped from the water into his urethra where it chewed its way to his scrotum. Although his story is disputed by some, his doctor claims to have removed the fish himself and put it in a specimen jar.”
“That is really gross, Michael,” I say. “Probably don’t tell that story to too many people.”
“I am aware that it is likely offensive and was not planning to tell it to anyone else. Only you so you will understand the dangers of that river should you go there.”
“Well, thank you. I appreciate the heads up.”
“You’re welcome. Now, will you be able to call me again tomorrow? You know how I do better when I can talk to you.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure. Richard wanted everything to be a surprise, so I have no idea where I’ll be going. I promise if there is phone reception of any kind, I’ll call you. But there’s a good chance we’re going to be in places without it.”
“I don’t like that idea at all, Ty,” he says. “That will completely throw off my routine, and you know how I like my routine.”
“I know, Michael, and I promise I’ll do my very best to get a hold of you every day,” I tell him. “But in the meantime, did you know it’s the Geminid meteor shower? Maybe if it’s a clear night, you can sit out by the pool tonight and see if you can spot any shooting stars.”
“That sounds like something I would like, but how do you know about it? You’re not interested in space.”
“Umm, my new friend Gwen told me about it. In fact, we watched it for a bit last night.”
“New friend? I haven’t heard you use that phrase for a long time indeed.”
“Well, I haven’t made any new friends in a while,” I say, trying to sound casual.
Michael lets out a little hmm, then says, “That’s what you say about a woman you want to date. Do you want to date this Gwen person?”