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“No, that’s not what went on here, or no, you don’t wish to answer with a yes or no?”
“Both.”
“Okay. Well, you seem to only be capable of speaking one word at a time.”
“It wasn’t like that.” I snap out of my trance, all my survival instincts back online. I have to save this. “Okay, maybe it was at first, but then I got to know you and you were, are, so wonderful. I know I should have told you, but it got too hard, and I didn’t think?—”
“You didn’t think I’d stick around and continue fucking my son’s ex-girlfriend?”
“Ben, don’t?—”
“Stop. Just, just give me a second, okay?”
I suck in a deep breath to prevent myself from speaking again. After my near paralysis only moments before, all I want to do now is talk.
Instead, I drop to my knees.
Ben doesn’t even look at me.
“I think you should go,” he says finally, still not looking at me.
My eyes shoot up to his face. “What? No.”
“Fine,” he says, starting to stand. “I’ll go.”
“No,” I cry out, grabbing at his pants and trying to pull him back into his chair. “No, no, no.” I’m on my feet now, following him toward the door, having failed to keep him from walking away.
I get there first and stand with my back pressed to the cool wood. “No.”
Ben folds his arms across his chest and finally meets my eyes. I know mine are red and wet with tears. Ben’s are bone dry, his gaze cold as ice.
“Let me explain.”
“I think I understand.”
“Clearly you don’t if you want to leave. I can explain better. More.” I’m grasping for words as I watch his face remain unmoved. “You…you can't be mad at me for lying. You told me I should lie.”
It’s a low blow, but I don’t have many weapons left.
He sighs and shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you for lying. I get it. You saw something you wanted and did what you had to do to get it. I’m impressed. Possibly even a bit flattered.”
“But?”
He scoffs out a laugh. “But, if you actually knew one goddamn thing about me, you would know that I can’t be in a relationship with my son’s ex-girlfriend.” He shouts the last two words and I flinch.
I’ve never been really, truly scared of Ben before, but I'm scared now. I’m terrified of what comes next.
“I have one responsibility in this life and it’s to be a good role model to my son.”
It’s over. I’ve lost.
But I hold my ground.
“Please, Victoria. After everything we’ve been through, please don’t make me physically remove you from this room. Please, for the love of god, just go.”
My mouth drops open, but no sound comes out. I close it and tear my eyes away from him. I squeeze them shut, trying to burn his image into my mind because I know it’s the last time I’ll ever see him.
I bow my head and leave the room without a word.
