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Ainsley, the motherfucker, is waiting right outside the door. “Damn Vicki, I never?—”
“Don’t, Ains. Please.” I don’t look up to see the smug expression on his face as I continue down the hallway.
Something in my tone must give away some of my feelings, however, because he catches my hand as I try to pass him and pulls me to a stop. I’m too weak to fight.
“I’m sorry. I was a jerk, I don’t know what’s going on here, but?—”
He lets me pull my hand from his and I continue down the hallway, not waiting to hear the rest.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben
I’m still in my chair, hands folded, eyes trained on my desk when I hear Ainsley enter my office. I should have known he wouldn’t follow my directions to go far from here and wait for me to come to him.
The kid does what he wants. Something I’ve always been equal parts annoyed and impressed by. Even in the face of my relentlessly controlling nature, he still makes his own choices. And he doesn’t even lie to me about them. He tells me the truth and accepts my criticism.
The air gets sucked from my lungs when I think about what a great kid he was and what a great person he is, and how harshly I’ve been criticizing him. He flies around the world, helping to sandbag rivers and build schools. Sure, I would prefer him to have an education, but how incredibly short sighted of me to think that’s the only thing that matters in this world.
I’ve spent my life safe in my castle, behind my desk, writing checks to charity aid organizations and patting myself on the back for it. Ainsley wants to actually help people. And maybe it’s because I got to actually help people with my own two hands for the first time in my life that I’m seeing it differently. Or maybe it’s because I got to witness firsthand how much a person can relax and blossom when allowed to just be themselves.
And it was fucking me. I blossomed. Because someone allowed me to be fully and completely myself.
And now she’s gone.
Leaving behind a trail of wreckage and betrayal.
That’s true enough. I feel like a complete wreck right now, so bad that I nearly consider betraying the promise I made to my dying wife all those years ago.
Take good care of Ainsley, okay?
“You alright, dad?”
I shake my head but don’t look up. Then, I change my mind.
I meet his eye and nod. “Yeah, bud. I’m okay.”
He’s looking at me like he doesn’t believe me, but I don’t offer any defense. I don’t have any left.
Ainsley comes to sit in one of the leather chairs facing my desk and folds his arms. “This was quite a surprise.”
I feel the blood rush to my face and am finally able to put a name to the horrible feeling that’s been gutting me alive for the last twenty minutes.
Embarrassment. Maybe even shame.
“For me, too.”
“You didn’t know that she and I…like, dated?”
“No.”
“Yeah. We met in Indonesia, and she came to Faraday with me to take that teaching position. You sure you’re okay? You kinda look like you’re going to barf.”
“It’s something I’m considering.”
“It’s totally fine, dad. I mean, it was never serious between us. We were more like friends the whole time.”
When I still can’t manage to contribute to the conversation, Ainsley goes on.
