Julia heard Marin’s heels walk towards her as the door quietly closed. The click-clack echoed off the extravagant walls and repeated in her head even after the egress closed.
Quiet.
She squeezed her eyes closed as the lights on the stage flickered–props adjusted in darkness–and then the orchestra boomed, releasing all of the nerves in her body into a swarm.
One deep breath, that was all she’d allow herself. One deep breath and she’d get it together.
She walked briskly down the aisle and caught Erin’s eyes–not looking at the wonderful excitement flowing over the stage as the lights turned back on–searching over her shoulder at the crowd of seats. She was looking for Julia. It never took long for those twinkling eyes to find her.
Julia excused herself to the three boys she had to step in front of to get to her seat. She pulled her jacket from her chair and laid it over her lap as she sat. She didn’t slouch. She didn’t try to sink as low as she felt at that moment; she’d disappear into the boiler in the basement if she did. Instead, she rolled her shoulders back and poised all of her attention onto the stage.
She could still see Erin’s eyes refracting flickering blue and yellow lights, looking at her from the corner of her own. How long could they sit like that,pretending to not notice the other staring while focusing on nothing else?
Minutes passed and her expression just grew more concerned. She leaned towards Julia, her mouth just inches from her ear, but she didn’t speak. She began to pull away but stopped as if she changed her mind.
“Are you okay?” she asked at last.
Julia turned towards her, their faces just a breath span apart. She wanted to lean her forehead on Erin’s. She wanted to rest her weary eyes and sink so far into the deepness of nothing that she couldn’t find her way out.
Julia didn’t say anything as she raised her hand and so tenderly rested it on hers, which was still clutching the jacket in her lap like it was the last buoy holding her afloat. She turned her attention back to the stage, patting Erin’s hand twice before releasing it.
“I’m fine,” she said in her most convincing voice, a flat line void of any of the emotions that erupted within her. “Here’s one of my favorite parts.”
Marin didn’t follow her out right away. The woman who sat next to her kept looking, searching in the dark for that glimpse of red. When she did walk back, purposefully never looking back at the rows of people behind her, she was impossible to not see.
They sat in silence as the last half of the play revealed itself before them. Students jumped at some parts and laughed at others. Erin didn’t say anything else, didn’t try to comfort her with words or touch. She just sat, her face never leaving the man with half a white mask or the girl in the flowing white gown, even though her eyes could see Julia in every frame.
Julia waited so long to be in that seat, to see that very production one last time. Yet, she couldn’t focus on anything other than the way the light glimmered off Marin’s carnelian hair. She couldn’t help but catch every head turn, every movement as if that spotlight was locked on her and not the stage.
Julia didn’t realize the ending arrived until hundreds of people rose to their feet in applause. Erin turned her head towards Julia, waiting. She stood and clapped, completely numb, waiting for the chaos to die down.
All of the chaperones had instructions to wait until the theater cleared out before conjoining in the lobby. They’d need a final headcount before trekking back to the bus, but all she could think about was the need to be far away.
Instead of making her usual loud reminder to those around her, she was quiet. With the swift motion of a hand, she motioned that students could begin leaving their aisles. Everyone followed the cue, boys and girls giggling as they mimicked the trademark instrumental notes from the play in prepubestic melodies carrying no tune.
Once back in the lobby of the theater, she found the rest of her students huddled into their respective groups. Keegan was standing next to Jonathan, reminiscing about how when the chandelier crashed down onto the stage, so many students around them jumped.
“Julia! Erin!” Keegan smiled, waving them over. Her eyes were full of concern, but she hid it well. “Wasn’t that just the greatest thing? The chandelier swinging above us before it fell to the stage?”
“Brilliant!” Jonathan agreed.
They were more excited than most of the students, once again glued to their phones–their fingers itching from not being able to check their texts for the last hour.
“It was exactly as I remember,” Julia said, but her voice was a weak impersonation of herself, a weak impersonation of the part of her that dug out of the depths after meeting Erin.
“Seems like the weather is picking up out there,” Keegan said, adjusting one of the gold drapes aside to inspect the outdoors.
White snow flurries beat against the window as blobs of people rushed past, fighting the wind and losing as they continued to stumble. Keegan held the curtain open. The cold air felt in its surrounding space, but her eyes were locked on Julia. They squinted as if trying to pull back the microscopic layers of composure she skillfully piled up.
“Let’s get everyone on the buses before it gets too late,” Julia said quietly, almost distantly, while motioning students to come closer. She looked behind her at the staircase wrapped in gold and red carpet. She took a few steps up as everyone gathered around. “Your group leaders are going to take attendance, and then we’re going to move to the buses. It’s snowing and windy outside, so bundle up!” And then she clarified, “that means actually putting on your jackets.”
Chapter Seventeen
Students began throwing on coats and scarves over their sweatshirts. The sound of zippers and mumbles echoed through the bronze wrapped vaulted ceiling. Julia zipped her own, wrapping her white scarf tighter around her neck.
Every student was accounted for and in groups they began to filter out of the building. Julia waited towards the back with her own, visually sweeping through the lobby for any lost stragglers or personal items.
Erin stood on the other side of the room, checking in with each chaperone as they left. Julia didn’t even have to ask her. She always stepped up, always tethering Julia to Earth.