“Mhm,” she grinned mischievously. “Menopause already?”
“You are so funny! You can shoot me when that happens.”
“Not if I don’t beat you to it first.” She winked. “Okay, I’m done teasing.” Keegan began to stand but froze mid-step. “You just seem off today and I wanted to see if I could do anything.”
“I appreciate that,” Julia said honestly, a smile on her lips but a sigh escaping her mouth. “But I am okay.” She looked down at the disarray of papers on her desk, searching for any opportunity to change the topic. “Are you still coming over this weekend?”
Keegan’s face instantly lit up. “I wouldn’t miss a football game and your ridiculously upscaled snacks for anything. Oh! And the wine is a bonus, too.” She turned towards the door and then stopped. “Ah! I almost forgot: Ms. Calanis is waiting for you outside. She has a few questions about the plan for Monday.”
Julia’s heart skipped a beat. At that point she was fully composed, but it felt like the window was open and all of it was floating out with the winter wind. She still hadn’t considered what she was going to say to Erin, how she was going to explain it all. She didn’t know what she could do to convince her to not tell McSellen or the board any of it.
“Please send her in.” Her voice was as steady as Roman marble, but she refused to check whether her chest was as red as it felt.
“Ms. Calanis, Mrs. Jenner is available for you now,” Keegan’s voice drifted from a distance.
In the span of a breath Erin was standing in front of the door, motioning to see if it was okay for her to close it. Julia nodded as she set down the pen and planner she picked up just seconds before Keegan turned to leave.
“Please have a seat, Ms. Calanis. We are so happy that you’re here.”
Julia watched Erin take a seat, her smile remaining intact. She couldn’t help but admire the way Erin carried herself, so confident and composed, while Julia’s own emotions were a tangled mess.
“Mrs. Jenner,“ she emphasized the first word, making Julia’s stomach drop, “you can call me Erin.”
“Erin,” Julia corrected herself, trying to seem as casual as she could, as if she didn’t hear the enunciation of Mrs. just seconds before.
She hadn’t even considered what a title of Mrs. would mean to Erin. She probably thought she was this awful person: almost middle-aged, promiscuously married, irresponsibly educating young minds, and an alcoholic to boot. Even worse, one that hangs out in bars late on school nights. One that lies about there not being someone else in her life.
She was not that person. Not in the least. Her life was messy enough without adding anything to it, without a woman sitting in front of her at work who looked even younger in daylight. Without that woman being someone she had kissed and so badly, even at that point of embarrassment, wanted to do it again.
“I know you suggested meeting tomorrow,” she began, “but as I walked around the school outside, I realized that ‘tomorrow’ is actually Saturday.”
Julia couldn’t help but notice that her brown freckles scattered like stars on her olive-colored skin. Even though they were in her office, Erin’s presence held herself above all else. How could she stay so level-headed when Julia had to remind herself to breathe?
“Oh, I’m sorry. That was definitely an oversight on my part. Of course we can’t meet tomorrow–there’s no school.” But she knew she would if it meant she could listen to her voice just a little longer. “Did you say you were walking around the school outside? It’s freezing.”
“I needed a breath of fresh air.” Erin’s cheeks took on a pink hue. So, she wasn’t all composure.
Julia watched as that wrapped pearl necklace heaved with her chest. Maybe Erin was flowing through the same roller coaster of emotions.
“I know you will probably suggest meeting Monday, but I planned on starting my rounds with the Social Studies Department Monday morning.” Erin paused, as if contemplating whether or not she could really ask the next question with fear of rejection creeping up in the back of her throat. “Would you be open to me treating you to dinner tonight instead?”
Julia immediately and very visibly tensed as she shifted her weight in her chair. Erin smoothed out her already straight blazer and squeezed her eyes closed. Julia couldn’t believe the words that just came out of her mouth. She couldn’t possibly. Not now. Not with the implications of their employers.
“As colleagues,” Erin interjected, too aware of the way Julia’s cheeks began to change color, “to discuss our schedule of events.”
“Ms. Calanis–”
Julia purposefully used her last name to keep a distance between them. She needed distance. She needed to be far away from their situation. She wanted to forget anything ever happened. But deep down, did she really?
Erin’s shoulders slumped as if the formality cut through her hope like a blade.
“Listen–” Erin pulled her chair closer to Julia’s, the movement sending perfume sailing toward her in seductive waves.
Without even thinking, Julia could feel her arm gravitating towards her. How could she work with her for months when she couldn’t even be in the same room without thinking about what it would feel like to touch her skin again?
“I understand that this situation is uncomfortable for both of us,” Erin continued, her voice filled with sincerity, “but considering the upcoming months of this evaluation, we’ll be working closely together.”
Julia couldn’t help but latch onto the word “close.”