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I’ve never been more conscious of my own mortality than I am in this moment. I’m not young anymore. I have more years behind me than ahead of me. Meeting my wife gave me a new lease of life. But I’m committing her to a future where she's bound to lose her husband when she's still in her prime. How could I have been this selfish? How could I put her through this?
It’s best I break things off with her before it’s too late.
My wife must read some of my thoughts, for she pales. She takes a step in my direction, but I move back. She frowns, opens her mouth to ask a question, when Dr. Kincaid steps into the waiting room.
He’s wearing scrubs, and his eyes are shadowed. As one, we walk toward him. I wrap my arm about my wife, and Sinclair pulls Summer into his side.
Dr. Kincaid’s features are stoic. He glances between our faces, then shakes his head. "I’m sorry. She didn’t make it."
Raven gasps.
Summer stares at him in disbelief. “No, no, no, no. How is this possible?” Her features crumple.
The blood drains from my face.
“Oh, Karma.” Summer turns her face into Sinclair’s chest and begins to sob.
Sinclair tucks her head under his chin and rubs her back. His look is filled with anguish as he makes eye contact with me. A tear slips down his cheek.
“She was a fighter until the very end.” Dr. Kincaid sets his jaw. “As we were trying to stabilize her, she suffered a second heart attack. We couldn’t resuscitate her.”
My wife swallows, then grips my fingers tightly. "This is so unfair."
I hesitate, then pull her in closer, and she wraps her arms about my waist.
"Michael’s going to need help to get through this." Dr. Kincaid drags his fingers through his hair. "It doesn’t seem like he’s going to leave that room anytime soon."
"How long"—I clear my throat—"how long can you let him be in there before?—"
"Before the hospital moves the body? Normally, three to four hours. I could stretch it to six, maybe, while I get the paperwork completed." He sighs. "This is a bloody mess."
"Can I see her?" Summer says through her tears.
"Of course." He addresses his words to Summer and Sinclair. "It might help Michael to have Sinclair there. I've notified his brothers. They're on their way.”
"I can’t believe Karma is gone. I never met her personally, but I've loved her designs. I’ve watched so many videos of models showcasing her creations on social media. As an artist myself, I thought she was unique in her approach. I loved her choice of colors and patterns... There was something about a Karma West Sovrano design that marked it out as unique. " She stares out of the window on her side. "I knew she was unwell, but I didn’t realize how serious it was." She swallows. "Why is life so unfair?" She turns to me. "Why did it have to be this way?"
No answer I give will be sufficient right now. I opt to tuck her into my side. She nestles in, with her cheek pressed into my chest.
We’re in my car. I called my chauffeur and asked him to pick us up earlier to drive us to the hospital. Instead of returning to our country home, we both decided it made more sense to return to our townhouse in Primrose Hill. This way, we’ll be close to the Sovranos, and to the Sterlings, and we'll be nearby to attend Karma’s funeral.
“It feels wrong to be attending Karma’s funeral instead of seeing her in person.” I stare out of the window. Her funeral? Jesus. It’s difficult for me to get my head around that. “The last time I saw Karma was when she’d collapsed and Summer called me for help. I followed her ambulance to the hospital. Once they'd stabilized her, we were allowed in her room. She was in pain but remained calm throughout. Michael, on the other hand, was beside himself with worry when he arrived. He was still upset that she had insisted on carrying the child to term. She said it meant everything that she was able to give him another child. She wanted that child so much.”
I remember feeling envious about their closeness, how they only had eyes for each other. Then, there was me, someone who’d never managed to hold down a relationship in my life. At my age, I was sure it wasn’t in the cards for me.
Then I met her. And you’re going to let go of her?
I have to, eventually. I have to, before I do something stupid.
Before I do something to hurt her and alienate her like I’ve done with every relationship in my life…
Or God forbid, something happens to her, like it did to Karma. Another person I let into my life; another person I lost.
If I valued my own sanity, I’d turn my back on her. If I wanted to make sure she remains safe, I’d leave her now. But not yet. Not when she needs me emotionally. Not when I need her, too.
Just a few more days. I can stay with her a little longer.
I run my fingers down her hair, and she sighs. "I can’t stop thinking of her kids. They won’t know the love of their mother. And Michael?—"
