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He groans into my mouth as he kisses me back. My hands travel into his thick, dark hair. His lips are so warm and soft, so right. Our tongues meet as I deepen the kiss. There’s no awkwardness or self-consciousness as we explore each other’s mouths. It’s as if we were designed for this—this incredible, perfect kiss. For each other. If I thought one kiss would satisfy my want, I was sorely mistaken. It only lights the fire between us.
His hurting heart and his honesty only deepen my attraction to him. Ignoring my fresh wound, I grab his face with both hands, pulling him closer.
His mouth stops moving, pausing our kisses.
“Alessia—” his voice is hoarse when he speaks.
His eyes darken into a stormy blue. He pushes me away and turns his back to me, climbing to his feet hastily and facing out the window.
“Rainer? Your eyes—” It’s not the first time they’ve changed color, either. It wasn’t my imagination after all. “Are you—”
A strangled noise leaves his throat. “Leave.”
I sit there on the floor stunned, with the desk between us and his back to me.
“I’m not going anywhere. You can’t close me out anymore. I know you’re struggling, but you’re not alone. I’m sorry for kissing you, but I don’t regret it. You told me to be strong, Rainer. So here I am. Standing up for myself and what I want.”
“Leave.”
“We still have things to discuss. The dreams. The shadows that call to—”
“Go!”
“Rainer—”
“I said leave. Now.” His voice cuts me like shards of glass.
I’m so jarred by the change in demeanor—it’s like someone dumped ice down my shirt. I sit there confused, feeling the memory of his lips on my own just a second prior.
“Don’t make me call upon your fears.” Any sign of the warmth and emotion he just revealed to me is gone.
He threatened me.
My hands shake with anger.
I can understand if he’s hurting, in pain. But I can’t understand how he can lead me on, open up, just to tear me down and push me away. Again.
“You’re bleeding,” he croaks. “I need you to go. Now!”
A tear slides down my cheek as I back away and out the door. I look back one last time at Rainer’s broad back, just in time to see him slamming his fist into the wall. The door latches shut and I’m left staring at the barrier between us, more confused than ever.
Without the distraction of Rainer’s lips on mine, the pain in my hand and knees come rushing back. I glance down at the cut on my palm. It’s not that deep, but it’s smeared with blood, and I realize I forgot about Rainer’s aversion to blood…the trauma he faced as a young boy.
Blood triggers him, as the word dolly triggers me.
Shame floods me, guilt for not being more cognizant of the issue.
I rest my forehead against the door, wishing for Rainer to be all right.
Him being alone in his pain stings worse than my hand.
I’m reluctant to leave, not wanting to abandon him in this state. But after a few moments of silence, when it’s clear he isn’t exiting, I retreat, giving him the space he needs. Hopefully, the broken prince will let me be the mercy he deserves—the mercy he needs.
thirty-one
Annihilate the People I love
Rainer
