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Julia looked puzzled and tears started to bead in her eyes. “What are you saying?”
“It’s over, you and me.” Vic sobbed the words out. “It’s not right. It was just a bit of fun for me.”
“That’s not true,” Julia said, holding Vic’s wrists, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You love me too; I know you do.”
“I don’t.” Vic was falling apart piece by piece, breaking inside. She couldn’t see through her tears. “I don’t love you. It isn’t right. I don’t love anyone. And I definitely don’t do relationships. It’s over.” Vic spewed the words out. She stood up, tearing her wrists away from Julia’s hands. She couldn’t look at Julia’s sad face and tears; it was breaking her. She ran out of the room and to the nursery where Hyzenthlay was being put to bed by Olivia. “Watch her tonight for me, please,” Vic gasped between tears and Olivia looked concerned but nodded. Vic worried for a second Julia would follow her and beg her to change her mind, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to resist that. But she wasn’t there as Vic closed the door on the nursery.
Vic turned and ran down the stairs. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. It was raining outside and she ran out into the gathering darkness. She ran and ran and felt the rain on her face and it helped. She knew she just needed to be away. Away from all of this. Away from Julia. Away from Alex. Away from the castle.
She said I love you.
The stables were quiet, the stable girls had finished for the night. Vic tapped on the keycode lock for the tack room, grabbed her saddle and bridle and hurried to Satan’s stable.
“We are going out, Boy. Sorry, it’s raining.”
Satan looked unfazed as Vic threw on his bridle and saddle and jumped on him with no helmet. She headed out across the estate at a canter, the wind and rain in her face, the darkness descending. Luckily, she knew the estate and the countryside that surrounded it well. She was going to ride to her childhood home—it was only a few miles away. The stables there were unused now. Her mother had moved out. There was a chance her father would be in the house with his latest young thing, but there was a cottage down by the stables that Vic knew would be empty. She knew where the spare key was.
She would get Olivia to bring Hyzenthlay and the dogs over tomorrow.
She looked up at the sky as she slowed to a walk when she was further away from the castle. Nobody would know where she was and that made her happy. The sky was dark, but the moon gave some light and she carefully guided Satan across the estate grounds and out the far side into open countryside. The rain was beginning to clear, but she was soaked to the skin.
This was really her. This freedom, this wild life. Alex had been right. Settling down wasn’t for her, and as much as it would hurt both her and Julia, it was better to end it now.
18
Julia had taken two days off sick and not left her bedroom at the palace. She had told Alexandra she had a terrible stomach upset and Alex hadn’t questioned it.
The third morning, Julia sat up in bed, still feeling the desolate emptiness that had descended around her. She had been foolish to have thought she could have something substantial with Vic. Maybe Vic’s childhood traumas and subsequent attachment issues had damaged her to a point where she couldn’t do any kind of real adult relationship.
She didn’t doubt Vic’s feelings for her, but she couldn’t push her. She knew Vic was not the kind of person who could be pushed into anything.
Would Vic come back to her?
Was what they had really real?
Julia took a deep breath and got out of bed.
I have to get back to real life and work. I can’t stay here despairing any longer.
Julia got up and dressed in her trademark pencil skirt and blouse and did her makeup. She gazed at herself in the mirror.
“I’m Julia Wilding and I can do anything.”
She looked like Julia Wilding. She was Julia Wilding. She puffed her chest out and headed out into the corridor.
I can do this. I can absolutely do this.
Sitting in her morning meeting with Alexandra over breakfast, everything was back to full speed. The Queen was back in London. Her calendar was as full as ever.
“Glad you are feeling better, Julia. You’ll be with me all day today. We are visiting the army base and meeting some of our armed forces as I’m sure you already know.”
Julia smiled, because that was what was expected. “Of course.” She nodded. “I’m up to speed with everything from the past two days. I’m so sorry for my absence.”
Julia stood in the background as the Queen met with the army and watched from the side of the stage as she spoke in front of them.
Julia felt, as she always did, proud of Queen Alexandra. She was such an inspirational woman, she spoke so kindly, so emotively, so inspirationally to the soldiers that fought for her country. Julia watched as the service men and women hung on her every word. This is the kind of monarch that people are inspired by. Even though Julia had had a big part in the contents of the speech, along with the speech writer and Alexandra herself, watching, she knew that so much of a great speech was in its delivery and in the person delivering it. Alexandra was one of those incredible speakers; she had a magic about her. Julia felt that she herself would have gone to war tomorrow if Alexandra had requested it.
There were tears in her own eyes as Alexandra finished speaking and in the eyes of half of the tough people of the armed forces. What a job they all did. They all looked so young as Julia cast her gaze amongst them. Young brave men and women who fought for our country.
