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Vic paused, unsure what to say or do. She chose to wait, standing awkwardly.
“So, I’ve heard you’ve been fucking my most crucial member of staff. The one person on this planet I told you to stay away from and you just had to go there. What the fuck, Vic? Can you not just get your cheap thrills and one-night stands somewhere else? Do you have to try and fuck up my life along the way?”
Vic wished the ground would open up and swallow her up. This was absolutely not how she wanted this to go. “It’s…. it’s not like that. Not at all. We are seeing each other properly.”
“Until you fuck it up, that is. Where do you think this is going? You think you and someone like Julia are going to live happily ever after? Wake the fuck up, Vic. Have you lost your mind?”
Vic felt everything crumbling around her.
“I… uh… I think I love her, Alex.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Vic. You think you love everyone. When have you ever had a relationship that lasted longer than ten minutes? You are worse at relationships than anyone I know. You don’t do relationships anyway. You are supposed to be focussing on being a mum and yet here you are getting a sniff of sex and then thinking you are in love. What happens when you fuck it up? You’ll hurt her and then it will be me left picking up the pieces when she is unable to do her job. Don’t you think she has been through enough? Don’t you think losing her wife was enough?”
Vic stood there, lost for words, absolutely stunned.
“I’m going to London. I haven’t got time for anymore of this bullshit. Do you understand?”
Vic nodded, mutely. She had never seen Alex so angry.
Alex didn’t even say goodbye as she stormed out of the room. Tears began to flood down Vic’s cheeks as she stood there shellshocked.
What the fuck am I going to do?
Vic had barely pulled herself together a few hours later after the Queen’s whirlwind visit when Julia arrived at the castle. It was early evening.
Julia smiled
“Oh, god, I’ve had the busiest day. Alexandra and Erin came home early and Alex is in a foul mood. I can’t wait to chill out with you.”
Julia came over, embracing Vic and kissing her. Vic felt stiff and awkward, like everything was wrong, but she didn’t know how to deal with it.
Alex says I can’t.
She says I’ll fuck it up.
Hasn’t Julia been hurt enough?
“Hey, what’s up?”
Julia pulled back and looked at Vic, curiously.
Vic still didn’t have any words.
“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay, you know. I can help you. We can sort it.”
Vic felt tears falling from her eyes. Julia led her to the sofa and sat her down and held her. “Come here, I’ve got you. It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay.”
It isn’t okay and nothing will ever be okay again.
Vic let herself be held by Julia for a few minutes. How could she continue after what Alex had said? Alex wasn’t wrong about things. Alex knew Vic better than she knew herself. Vic wasn’t good enough for someone like Julia and she never would be. This sexual infatuation was all it was and that would wear off and Julia would end up getting hurt.
Vic pulled out of the embrace. Tears were pouring from her eyes.
“Hey, what’s the matter? Vic, what’s the matter? I love you. I love you so much.”
Hearing those words from Julia’s mouth only made Vic cry more and more. Julia’s glossy hair was perfect. Her makeup was perfect. Vic was very imperfect in so many ways. She had been wrong to think she could be with someone like Julia.
“I…uh… I… can’t do this anymore.” Vic could barely choke out the words.
