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She stopped walking, not seeming to notice anyone else in the room. First, her eyes registered shock. Then they lit with a fiery anger. Her lips twisted and she opened her mouth, likely to hurl some kind of insult.
Dr. Bob spoke before she could. “Hi, May. I’m Dr. Bob. Would you mind taking a seat?” He gestured to the place on the couch between Bex and Sterling’s Mom, who held out a coffee mug.
May seemed to realize for the first time that the room was full. Her mouth closed with a snap and she stomped to the couch and flung herself down. Sterling saw his mother wince as the coffee spilled a little on her pants, but she just brushed at it after handing the mug to May.
“I’ve watched enough TV to know what this is,” May said.
If Sterling had been shocked by her appearance, the steely anger in her voice was worse. May didn’t just look different, she was not the sweet girl he had left behind when he moved to Nashville.
“May, I’m Dr. Bob. I am a family counselor and your family has asked me to come today. Everyone in this room loves you unconditionally. They wanted a chance to share their feelings with you and have written down some words for you. We’ll start with your Aunt Rebecca.”
Bex, Sterling wanted to say, but he stayed silent. He didn’t miss May’s eyeroll, but she turned and listened as Bex somehow managed to read through her letter without crying. Sterling’s own letter sat in his lap, though he knew he might not get a chance to read it. Compared to what Bex said and then his mother, his letter felt small and unimportant. His mother, unlike Aunt Bex, cried throughout her letter, with Bex tossing tissues into her lap.
May’s face didn’t reflect any change. She looked like she had been carved from stone. In the videos Sterling had watched, some of the people ran out of the intervention, some lashed out, some laughed or denied. May did … nothing. Not when her teacher spoke of her talent and how he had seen her addiction impact her art. Not when her best friend broke down and told May how much she had seen her change and how she missed her.
Throughout it all, Sterling struggled to keep his emotions in check. He knew that he was supposed to be relaxed, but everything in him had tensed up and looking calm took an effort that shocked him. He could feel the sweat on his back. Even his scalp felt hot. His palms were damp and he had never known pain, not even when his father left, like what he felt now. It felt like fire was licking away inside his ribs, destroying him. He couldn’t decide if he wanted Dr. Bob to let him talk or not. The guilt of being gone and of being a part of what caused all of this made him feel like he didn’t have the right to say anything at all. He was glad to be here, to show support, but he should have been here more all along. In so many ways, it felt like it was too late.
Dr. Bob smiled at May, who still sat expressionless, holding her cup of coffee. “May, there is a treatment facility nearby that has a place for you. Your family would like—”
“What about him?” May interrupted. She pointed at Sterling, then met his eyes with her flaming gaze. “Why isn’t he saying anything?”
Dr. Bob cleared his throat. “Would you like to hear from your brother?”
May crossed her arms. For the first time in the whole time they had been in this room, she didn’t look stiff and still. She looked furious. Sterling’s heart raced and he had to look down. This was so stupid. He shouldn’t have come. She clearly didn’t want him here. Or maybe it was that she blamed him for everything, just as he blamed himself.
“James, would you like to read your letter to May?” Dr. Bob asked.
“I’d love to hear what you have to say, big brother.” May’s words dripped with sarcasm. Aunt Bex put a hand on May’s knee, but May jerked away.
“Go ahead, James,” Dr. Bob said, though Sterling could tell that he was unsure about this.
Sterling nodded. He looked up at May once, pleading with his eyes. Her rage felt like a living thing, filling up the room and sucking out all the air. Sterling dropped the pick and held the piece of paper in his hands. Without planning to do so, he said a silent prayer.
Lord, I’m the worst person to do this. But please, let something reach May. Even if she hates me forever, bring her back.
He began to read, choking up almost immediately and struggling through every word.
“May, I love you so much. I know that I haven’t always shown it. I feel like I abandoned you when I moved to Nashville and I wasn’t here when you needed me. I knew that you were struggling and the ways that I tried to help were not enough. I haven’t even been here to see the changes in you and had to hear from Mom how hard it’s been and how you have been struggling with addiction.”
Sterling took a breath and looked up at May. She stared down into her coffee cup. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and kept reading.
“I miss you, May. I want to see you get the treatment you need to help with this addiction. It isn’t you. I know you have no reason to trust me or believe my words. I hope you can forgive me. I want to promise you this: if you enter into the treatment facility, I will cancel the rest of my tour so that I can be there for you. I’ll stay nearby and visit you whenever you can have visitors. I will do whatever I can do to show you that I love you and to see you get the help that you need for this addiction. I love you, May-May.”
He had written this last part this morning, the part about quitting the tour. He couldn’t even imagine what the fallout would be and how much money he would lose. Hopefully Reese could help him handle the public aspect of it, if she hadn’t run away screaming yet from his outburst that morning.
Even if it ruined him, he didn’t care. He knew that it was what he needed to say and what he needed to do. He could give up his career for his family. It shouldn’t even be a sacrifice. It was just what you do when you love someone.
Again, Reese came to mind. Though he was very much present in this moment, he also felt an urgency to find her and to make things right.
When Sterling looked up, May still had her eyes down, but he could see that the coffee cup trembled in her hand. Gently, Aunt Bex took it from her. His mother’s mouth hung open and tears ran down her face. Sara sniffled from her chair nearby and the art teacher looked extremely uncomfortable with all the emotion. Sterling fixed his eyes on his sister.
“May?”
She lifted her chin and met his gaze. Her eyes were flooded with tears, but what he noticed was that her expression had softened. The fury was gone. She looked exhausted.
“I want to go,” she said in a quiet voice. “I know that I … need help. I’m scared and I think I might change my mind if we don’t go right now. But I don’t want this to be my life.”
As she broke down and wept, covering her face with her hands, Bex and his mother put their arms around her, drawing her close. Sterling wanted to cross the room, but didn’t know if he should.
