AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When I’d worked on the farm, I tracked the seasons by the day. Spring blossoms and tiny green leaves never would have gotten past me, in any other year.
Things had changed.
“I have no clue what I’m doing either,” Harlan finally said.
“Never heard you say that before,” I told him. “I’m usually the one without a clue.”
“Well, that’s you and me both, right now.”
I bit my lower lip, focusing on him. “You weren’t upset that I kissed you on camera, right? Chase said they can delete the footage if we talk to some of the producers.”
Harlan threw his hands up in the air. “What’s it to me? I don’t give a damn if random TV viewers see us kiss.”
“Thank God,” I said. “I was really worried I’d upset you.”
“What? No. You never upset me, Sawyer. I was just… whoosh. Brain turned off. Had to get out of the brewery for a minute.”
“Because…?”
I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “Because it made it feel real.”
“It wasn’t real before?”
He looked like he was trying to solve some problem in his mind but couldn’t quite get there. “I don’t know. If you’d told me any of this would happen, I would have laughed. I still can’t believe any of it is real.”
“So you weren’t running away from me?”
“From you? Never,” he said. “I just needed air.”
“And then I ran out after you and started bugging you.”
He turned to me, licking his lips. “I love when you bug me.”
Fuck, he looked so lickable.
“Good. Because I don’t want to stop.”
He pulled in a shaky breath, looking up at the leaves in the tree above us. “I’m just so bad at letting people in, Goose,” he said softly. I could see a sheen on his eyes, and I knew he was thinking about the grief that had plagued his life for almost a decade. “It’s so scary to let people in.”
I took his hand in mine, squeezing it. “Good thing you already let me in a long time ago, then.”
He puffed out a laugh, looking back at me. “Yeah. I guess I already did.”
“I’m so far in,” I said, teasing him and knowing it was the kindness that he needed, right now. “I’m in deep, Moose.”
“You really are.”
“I understand if you’re afraid of getting even closer,” I told him, “but you can take all the fucking time in the world. Take a month, a year, another ten years, if you need it. I’ve always been here, and I always will be.”
Something flashed behind his eyes. I could tell that he’d needed to hear that, and I had meant every last word.
And then, like some small miracle, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
Yes. This was what I needed. What I knew he needed, too. Heat flooded through me.
Of course, there was still a whole iceberg of emotional weight that Harlan had to grapple with when it came to relationships. And I was going to be respectful of that, no matter what happened.
But if he was down to kiss me, to hold me, to fuck me, I sure as hell wasn’t going to refuse him.
When he pulled back for a breath, I clutched one side of his jacket. “Let’s just take things slow, okay? Dare I say… casual.”
His eyes danced across mine. “Yes. We should do that.”
“This is all new territory for me, and very emotional territory for you. We’re both kind of lost, in different ways. But we both know we care about each other more than anything else.”
“Exactly,” he said, reaching down to cover the back of my hand with the palm of his. “There is no doubt in my mind that I want what’s best for you.”
“Right. So what’s the hurry?”
He nodded slowly, taking in what I said. “You want to know something? I thought I was going to wake up this morning next to you and freak out about what we did. But I didn’t freak out. Not even a little.”
I nodded. “See? We don’t need to know what we’re doing.”
Harlan chuckled. “I never thought you’d be the one to end up telling me that.”
“We’ve completely reversed roles.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Last night made me really happy,” I told him, wishing there was a better way to convey the deep sense of belonging I’d felt in his bed. “Maybe both of us will feel good just seeing how things go.”
“Casual,” Harlan repeated.
“Casual,” I agreed.
It was less than twenty-four hours before I’d realized that I’d been a complete fucking dumbass when I’d suggested that “casual” was anything I would be capable of doing.
I couldn’t even blame it on being drunk. It was still only about four in the afternoon, the day after Harlan and I had talked on the bench. I was in the brewery despite the fact that it was my day off today, and I could have done anything in the world I wanted to do.
