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I’d ended up here, where I’d been every day for who knew how long. It was an unusually busy afternoon in the brewery, after a 5k fun run event had led dozens and dozens of people through Spruce Street. The running event had ended right near Jade Brewery, and for the past hour, more and more people had been filtering in. The place was packed, and Harlan had been helping out behind the bar all afternoon.
Every time I stole a glance at him, my heart did a little backflip in my chest.
And I was stealing way more glances at him than I should have been.
I was posted up in a two-seater booth with my laptop when Charlie and Jax came through the front doors. They quickly spotted me, waving and coming over.
“Look at you,” Charlie said. “What are you doing here on your day off?”
I turned the laptop screen toward him. “Doing research for work, actually.”
“Shit, Sawyer, you don’t have to do that,” Charlie told me. “When was the last time you took some time for yourself?”
“I’m trying to look up pea shingle gravel for when we do the exterior lawn drainage work next week,” I said. “I have learned more about the subject in the last hour than I ever thought would be possible. Gravel isn’t just gravel, apparently.”
“Did you know that the inventor of pea shingle gravel was gay?” Charlie said.
“Really?”
“Fuck no,” he said. “I mean, maybe. Who knows. I’m kidding. And you need to stop worrying about work on your day off. You’re going to do great next week, Sawyer.”
“I can’t believe how crowded it is in here,” Jax said, looking all around. “I thought I was going to be able to hang out for half an hour before my shift starts, but I think I should get behind the bar now.”
“Oh my God, I’m surrounded by men who work too hard,” Charlie said, leaning in toward Jax and pressing kisses to the side of his face. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best, Jax?”
Jax turned to kiss Charlie, then pulled back and looked him in the eye.
“After my shift tonight we can go full potato-mode,” Jax said.
“I love potato mode,” Charlie said. “Yep. You are the best boyfriend, and I’m not afraid to say it. What the fuck did I do without you?”
“Well, before we were dating, you came to this brewery a lot and flirted with me,” Jax joked. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“You were a hot frat boy. I’m only human,” Charlie said. “Go help out behind the bar before you start feeling guilty about it. I love you.”
Jax gave me a nod, gave Charlie another kiss, and headed off. It was so clear how deeply in love the two of them were, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.
God, I wanted that.
I wanted something that was real. I had no idea if “true love” was a real thing or not, but I knew that whatever Charlie and Jax had couldn’t be described as “casual.” But everything was different when it came to me and Harlan. Maybe, because we were friends for so long before hooking up, we needed to take things more casually.
Even though that didn’t exactly sound right in my mind, either.
Why the fuck had I suggested being “casual?”
I glanced over at Harlan again and felt a strange gripping feeling in my chest. I was longing for him, for fuck’s sake. Even though he’d given me so much, lately. What more could I want? Why did everything suddenly feel so intense?
“If you want to take over the booth, I was about to head out, anyway,” I told Charlie.
“You sure?” he asked. “You know I was just messing with you when I said the stuff about working on your day off. I know you want to be prepared, and that’s a beautiful thing.”
I nodded, closing the lid of my laptop. “Need to get out and clear my head. The booth’s all yours.”
Charlie posted up shop there and I packed my laptop away in its leather bag. “I’ll catch you tomorrow, Charlie.”
“Later, Sawyer.”
I knew Harlan was slammed behind the bar, and for a moment I considered slipping out without saying goodbye, letting him work in peace. But as I got halfway toward the front doors, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
So what if I wanted to touch base with him before I headed out? To check in with him?
That could still be considered casual, right? It wasn’t like people had to be married to check in with each other.
I turned back and headed past the groups of people laughing and chatting and made my way toward the bar.
And something tightened in my chest, just a little, as I spotted Harlan behind the bar.
A young guy in a pride flag shirt was leaning over the bar and practically eye-fucking Harlan, and all at once, the idea of even thinking the word “casual” made me nutty. I wanted to take back every moment of our “let’s just take things slowly” conversation.
