AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yes, I... I guess I am.”
I take a deep breath and then say in a cheery voice, “So, I uh— guess you’re off the hook.”
“Won’t it look odd if we suddenly stop acting like a married couple?”
“Yes, but as far as my inheritance goes, no one would question it if we decide to live apart.”
“Is that what you want, Val?”
“I... I don’t know what I want,” I lie. “I don’t want either one of us to feel hemmed in or feel like we have to put our lives on hold.”
“Hemmed in. Do you feel like your life is on hold, Val?”
“No, not really. It’s just that, well, you know. Having to live in the same house and all. I’m sure it probably made both of us feel, um... a little tied down.”
Chase suddenly stands up and says, “I’ll clear off the table.”
“Oh, sure.”
I stand up and start to gather up the dishes and silverware. I carry everything into the kitchen and then begin to load up the dishwasher. The silence feels deafening between us. I need to tell him about the baby. There will be no hiding it after a few months, anyway. I try to gather the courage just to tell him.
As I stack the dishes in the dishwasher, Chase says in a tight voice, “Val, listen. Do you mind if I go for a night ride? I haven’t ridden my bike in over a week.”
I keep my back to him as I feel my eyes start to sting. I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes.
“No, of course, I don’t mind. I might go ahead and move a few of my things back over to my apartment.”
I close my eyes. I send up a prayer that Chase will tell me to stay right where I am. That there’s no reason to move my stuff back into my apartment.
Instead, I hear him say, “Whatever is best for you, Val. That’s all I ever wanted.”
Then I hear the front open and close. When I finally turn around, Chase is gone.
My knees feel like they are about to buckle. I reach out and grab the countertop. I can hardly breathe. I feel like my heart is being cleaved out of my chest with a carving knife. I sink to my knees right there on the kitchen floor and start to sob into my hands.
When I finally lift my face, it’s red and blotchy. I’ve always been an ugly crier. I put my hand over my stomach. This emotion can’t be good for the baby. I take a deep breath and then shakily stand up.
I dully finish loading the dishwasher and then go into the bedroom and hurriedly grab a few basic clothes into my arms. I don’t want to be here when Chase comes home. I don’t want him to see my face all puffy and red. It’s obvious I’ve been crying.
When I open one of my dresser drawers, I see my hot pink lingerie. I quickly shut the drawer. I can’t look at any of those right now, and I doubt I will ever wear that color again.
I turn out the lights and then enter my apartment alone. I’m a coward. He still doesn’t know about the baby.
Forty-Two
Chase
When I arrive home later that night, the house is dark. Val would always leave a light on in the house, so I know she’s not in the apartment before I even open the door. I grimace as I flip on the light switch. I look around and everything looks exactly like it did when I left. Except Val isn’t here. The empty apartment seems to mock me.
I can’t believe how the night ended. How arrogant I was to believe that she wanted something more than friendship. I pull out my cell phone and look down at the red beating heart that made me think she might feel the same way about me as I feel about her.
I go to delete the heart, but at the last minute, I don’t. I can’t. It’s the last text I may ever get from Val. I’m not only losing my wife, I’m losing my best friend. She gets me. She always has.
I could tell earlier tonight that she felt bad. She probably didn’t know how to tell me how she’s been feeling. She wants to move on with finding someone she can love. And it’s not me. Fuck.
I shake my head in disgust. I had a surprise planned. Tonight, I wanted to show her the name I had airbrushed on her motorcycle. I knew she’d like it. Instead, the entire conversation went to hell. Her words were a shock and totally unexpected.
I should have asked more questions, stayed, and talked to her about her decision. Instead, I felt like I’d been sucker punched. I had to leave.
