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“I don’t think so. This is all a little overwhelming. How about tell me when and where and I'll be there,” I manage.
Sebastian chuckles into the phone making me feel somewhat better about this. He and Miles have really grown on me over the years since I have been working for them. They are my top clients but they are almost family to me.
“I can definitely do that,” Sebastian replies.
“Thanks for wanting to do this for me. Let me know if I need to do anything.” Sebastian laughs again, warming my heart.
“You most definitely don’t need to do anything. I will call you with the details,” he responds.
“Okay. I’m home and I need to get some groceries inside,” I reply.
“Great. Talk soon.” Sebastian hangs up and I’m left wondering if I made the right decision. Opening the door, I get out of the car, grab the groceries and make my way up to my apartment.
I barrel through the door clutching the thousand bags I carried because I didn’t want to make a second trip. Dropping them onto the counter, I slink into a chair at the table rubbing my hands where the bags have dug into them. I don’t know why I always do this to myself but I think it can be attributed to laziness.
After putting the groceries away, I sip on a large glass of Pinot Noir while I draw a hot, soothing bath. I’m exhausted from always putting on a strong mask when deep inside I want to crumble. Everyone expects a brave face and that’s what I give them. I only get to allow the veil to drop when I’m in the safety of my home. I try to think back to the last time I was truly happy and it always involves Matthew. It's been eighteen years, not a day goes by that I don't feel like I may die without him
My mind needs to float away on a sea of bubbles and bath salts for a while. With relaxing music playing, I slip into the tub letting my head rest on the edge. My eyes fall closed, the only images I see are my brother and I together. I miss him with every fiber of my being. Tears begin to trail down my cheeks as I think back to one of the last times we were together.
Matthew was home for two weeks before he’d been scheduled to be deployed to Afghanistan. I was sixteen at the time and skipped more classes during that time than through my whole academic career. I wasn’t going to sit in class when I could be spending extra time with him before he left. Matt was more than my brother, he was my best friend. Of course we bickered like siblings but we would come back together stronger.
One day in particular, our parents left for work early believing Matt would get me to school on time. Only he had different plans for the day.
“Get up, sleepyhead,” Matthew croons in my ear as he jostles my bed. I groan, rolling over and putting a pillow over my head.
“Five more minutes,” I plead. Matt grabs the pillow and tosses it to the side.
“Nope. Mom and dad are gone so we’re getting out of here. Now get up and get dressed, sunshine.” He yanks the covers from me as he leaves the room laughing. Turning over, I look at my clock knowing I should be getting ready for school but instead I’m going to blindly follow my brother into whatever crazy plans he has arranged for us today.
Giddy excitement courses through me as I jump up from the bed wondering what plans Matt has made. I go through my morning routine, only I don’t dress in my school uniform. Barreling down the stairs, I head to the kitchen to see Sam leaning against the counter.
“Don’t mind Sam coming with us, do you?” Matthew asks over his steaming cup of coffee.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach and my cheeks flame when I look up at my brother’s best friend. He is the epitome of tall, dark and handsome with his strong, masculine jaw and chiseled cheekbones. Those gorgeous hazel eyes look over to where I’m standing as a faint smile ghosts his lips. I’ve had a crush on him since I can remember. He’s been my brother’s best friend since kindergarten and has always come to the house to hang out. My crush for him has only grown stronger over the past few years.
“S-sure,” I manage to get out. Sam will be spending the entire day with us? Could this day get any better? Matt slides a to go cup of coffee across the counter for me as he gulps down the rest of his. The boys talk about their upcoming deployment as I add sugar and creamer to my coffee. I can’t help but to listen to their plans, getting a sinking feeling in my stomach. My mind drifts off down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios involving my brother in battle.
“Ready?” He questions, grabbing his coat from the hanger jolting me back to the present. They both look over their shoulders at me waiting for my reply.
“Uh, yeah. Let’s go.” I grab my mug and follow behind.
We spend the day sailing around Manhattan. That’s the surprise Matthew had in store for me. He knows how much I love being on the open water. There's an unparallel liberation in standing on the deck, eyes closed, wind sweeping through my hair. All of my worries seem to fly from my mind as we glide through the open waters.
Matthew takes a seat beside me casting a shadow over my face. Cracking my eyes open, I look up to him.
“I was thinking that when I get back we can go see The Phantom of the Opera together. It will give us something to look forward to while I’m overseas,” he mentions as he looks out at the sea.
“That sounds perfect, Matty, but what I will most look forward to is you being back here. I wish you didn’t have to go, but I understand.” I sit up as he pulls me closer.
“I don’t want to leave you. I think that’s been the hardest part about all of this. I hate to leave you here alone,” he admits.
“I won’t be alone. I have mom and dad and Jenny.” Matt slings his arm around my shoulders looking down at me.
“You know what I mean. It’s always been you and me,” he says. I nod, knowing he’s right. I’m going to miss him more than words can say.
“Just promise that you will come back to me.” I hold out my pinkie for him to take in his.
“I will always be with you, sunshine.” He uses his old nickname for me. Samuel even started to use the name for me sometimes. I can’t remember a time that he didn’t call me his sunshine. He always tells me that I am his light whenever I ask him why he calls me that.
