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And sometimes, even though I’m a thirty-six-year-old man now, I still feel like that little boy teetering without training wheels for the first time waiting for his dad’s approval.
But maybe it’s time to come to terms with the fact that I just may never get it.
“Your new head coach, Mr. Lincoln Nash!” Jack says, and I snap out of it as I head toward the microphone.
“Good evening,” I say once the applause in the room dies down.
I think about the speech I prepared as I stare out over the sea of reporters staring back at me. I have a carefully constructed statement to be sure the message I’m delivering is uniform across the board. It’s similar to what I said earlier to my players, but now in a different context for the media, and suddenly the entire thing is wiped clean from my brain.
Confident, Calm, Clear, and Courageous. Ellie’s four Cs race through my brain, and my statement comes back to me as I draw in a deep breath. “Thank you for your warm welcome, and thank you for being here today. I’m so excited to be here to work with all the talent on this team. We have challenges ahead of us, but I’m confident that with hard work and determination, we can see another winning season. We’re committed to winning games, and I’m ready to get moving to build on the legacy I’ve inherited. My job is to get the most out of the players on this team, and I look forward to building my relationship with this community and continuing the winning culture that’s here in Vegas.”
“Thank you, Coach Nash,” Jack says. “We have time for a few questions.” He calls on the first reporter as I mentally prepare to be raked over the coals.
“James Williams, CBS,” the man says. “How do you plan on rebuilding the team to be on par with last season when so many of your key players retired?”
I study the crowd, and I suppose I’ve made a name for myself with the media because of my charm. I’m good at handling questions, but I’ve never done it in this role before.
And something about that sets me on edge.
My eyes fall on Jolene. She’s staring back at me, a sour look on her face like she can’t believe I was the one chosen out of all the potential candidates for this position, and I nearly laugh.
I hold it together, but something about seeing a familiar face out there—even a sour one—helps calm the rising anxiety.
Or maybe it’s not because it’s a familiar face at all. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that it’s her sitting there.
And in the middle of this press conference as James Williams waits for me to answer his question, an old memory that faded from my mind years and years ago filters back in.
I was seventeen and angry about something stupid, something I can’t even remember now—maybe getting in trouble in a class or something, but I clearly remember storming down the hallway between classes at school. And there she stood, leaning against her locker with that same sour look on her face.
“What?” I growled at her.
“Nothing,” she said, shrugging. “It’s just…when you’re angry, I feel it. I get angry too, like your anger affects mine. Your happiness causes mine. Like we’re so in tune I feel what you’re feeling. Your mood affects mine, and I just want you to be okay.”
Maybe I didn’t get it back then, but I do now.
Jolene always saw through me. She saw past the tough guy exterior I tried to project back when I was a teenager right to the vulnerable boy inside.
It’s why she asked me if my father was proud of me when I ended things with her. She knew me better than anyone else. Maybe she still does.
I’ve never let anyone else in the way I let her in.
I felt it, too—the mood thing. When she was sad, I was sad. When she was happy, I felt a little lighter. It felt like it was what set us apart. We were so connected emotionally that when that divide eventually came, I shut off those emotions to the best of my ability.
It doesn’t mean I’m not affected. It doesn’t mean I’m cold all the time.
But it does mean that I don’t let anyone else see it, and that’s the calm and cool man the reporters at this press conference are getting.
Still, I have a feeling she can see past it, even now. Even all these years later.
I brush away the memory and focus.
“That’s a great question, James, and I appreciate you asking it. We have many challenges ahead of us, but I know we can rise to each of them. Mr. Dalton, Mr. Shanahan, and I are committed to developing our rookies and utilizing our existing talent while bringing in some new players with the skillset we’re looking for along with the drive and determination that fits with our current culture.”
Jack nods to another reporter.
“Kyle Broderick, Vegas Sun. Coach, what would you say to fans who are worried about the team’s chances this season?”
I smile as a surge of confidence rushes through me. “I say we’re going to give it everything we’ve got. I have no doubt that we will rise above the challenges we’re facing to win games, and we’re committed to working hard every day to prove that the Vegas Aces are the best team in the league.”
