AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I step away from her and head toward the coffee pot. “No.” I sigh as I think back to last night. It feels like months have passed when it’s really been less than twelve hours.
“That’s half-caff,” she warns me as I pour myself a cup, and I chug it down as I place a pod into my Keurig for immediate caffeine relief.
“Jolene was an emotional wreck, and she shouldn’t have been driving. She lost control and the car slammed into a tree. We’re both fine.” Except I’m far from fine. Physically, yeah, I’m okay. Emotionally? I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.
Somewhere in the middle of my statement, my mother moves across the kitchen toward me.
“Oh my word,” she murmurs as she wraps her arms around me. “Why did you get into the car with her?”
“Because she’s an adult who I assumed would drive with care and I needed to stop her from ending this thing.” I sigh as I finish the cup of coffee that’s not nearly strong enough for me.
“What exactly is this thing?” she asks, taking her seat at the counter again.
“I asked her to move in with me. Well, her and her son.”
Her jaw drops. “Whoa, Linc. That’s a big step. You wanted her son in your life…in your home?”
I feel the tremor of heat starting to pulse behind my eyes as my chest feels like it’s caving in on me. I nod because I can’t seem to make my mouth form words.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she says, and she swipes away a tear.
My instinct is to comfort her, but I’m not exactly sure why she’s crying. I walk over and sling an arm around her shoulders. “What’s the matter?” I ask gently.
“There is nothing worse in the entire world than seeing your baby hurting.”
“I’m hardly a baby,” I say dryly.
She stands again and she pulls me into a hug. “You will always be my baby. I’m sorry for what your father did. I think he really deluded himself into believing that he was acting in your best interest, but I can see how broken you are right now, and I hate it. I wish I could fix it.”
I let her hold me as I start to break down.
I don’t do this. This isn’t me. I’m naturally stoic, which has been to my benefit on the field when I’m coaching. I didn’t even cry at my grandmother’s funeral. I think the last time I teared up was when…well, when I lost her the first time.
I’ll have to get into the office. I’ll have to be the tough guy unaffected by my personal losses. I’ll have to focus on the team.
But there’s nothing so strong as a mother’s hug, and even though I’ve put on the tough guy act for the last twenty years where she’s concerned, I don’t want to be the tough guy right now.
I just want to let it all out. I don’t want to fight that lump in the back of my throat anymore, and with my mother…I don’t have to.
I start to cry.
She tightens her grip around me as my entire body quakes with emotion. I’m not used to showing this side of myself to anyone. Hell, I’d even venture to say I’m not used to having this side to myself. After I was forced away from Jolene, I think I went numb. And I think that numbness has lasted two decades…until she came back. Until she added gold flecks of color to the monotone. Until she managed to tap into every emotion I didn’t know I could feel. Until she introduced Jonah to me and made me wonder if I’ve been missing out on fatherhood. Until she made me feel like I was a better man when I had her as my partner.
I sniffle as I’m overcome with these unfamiliar thoughts and emotions, and then my mom says the words that I will hold onto as I try to find my way out of these dark days.
She rubs my back in soothing circles. “Oh, honey. It’s okay not to be okay, but you will get through this. We will get through this. Together.”
I cling tightly to her, and I choose in that moment to believe those words. I’m grieving now, but I can’t shut the door to hope. As long as it’s still open, all I have to do is figure out how to walk through it.
I finally force myself to let go, if nothing else than because I need to eat breakfast before I head into the office. I splash some water on my face and dry it with a paper towel as I pull myself together. “I’m sorry,” I murmur.
She shakes her head, and then she shoves a finger into my chest. “Don’t you ever apologize for getting emotional. There’s more room on the outside. Okay?”
I nod, thinking back to when she said that to Asher when he was crying as a little kid. I don’t even remember why he was crying, but I do remember after she said that, Grayson farted and said there’s more room on the outside for gas, too, and five-year-old Asher thought that was the funniest thing in the world. Even now, it brings just the slightest smile to my lips, and she narrows her eyes at me.
“You’re thinking about Grayson, aren’t you?”
I shrug. “Guilty as charged.”
