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She has the grace to look a little embarrassed about that.
“Yeah. Jo told me.”
“I was testing the waters,” she says. “That’s all. I was checking to see if my theory was right. These walls aren’t soundproof, you know.”
“You’ve got your earbuds in all day,” I tease her. “You didn’t hear a thing.”
She repeats my words but tosses air quotes around them as if to say she’s agreeing to the lie. “Right. I didn’t hear a thing.”
I chuckle. “Well, thanks for being on my side when it feels like no one else is.”
“Always, boss.” She tilts her head a little. “And you can trust me to take anything you tell me and protect it. I’m here for you, and I signed an NDA that says anything you tell me is confidential. That includes your personal life.”
“I appreciate that. Now I have a bunch of calls I need to return, so if you’ll excuse me. Thanks for checking on me, though.”
She offers a smile, and then she gets up and leaves. I stare at the empty doorway after she leaves, a little grateful that she came by tonight. There’s a lot stacked against me right now, but she’s one person in my corner I can rely on, and I think I needed that more than I realized.
I call Grayson next.
“Fucking finally, bruh,” he answers. “So you did it?”
I laugh as I think back to our chat in our parents’ kitchen not so terribly long ago. “I had a commencement address in Ohio and she was there covering it. One botched hotel reservation later, we were sharing a room, and the rest is history.”
He lets out a low whistle. “Damn, that sounds hot.”
“It’s some level beyond hot. I love her, man. I want to spend my life with her. But there’s so much shit in our way.”
“This is a far cry from the guy telling me our parents fucked us up too much for us to ever really have a serious relationship.” He laughs at the end a little, but in truth, it’s not very funny.
“I mean, those weren’t my exact words, but…yeah. I didn’t think I wanted it, but I guess things change. She has this kid, and he told me the other day he wishes I was his dad. It’s crazy, right? That some kid wants me in his life, and he didn’t even know I was actually with his mom at the time.” Oh, shit.
Jonah.
He didn’t know I was with his mom, and he might hear about this shit, too. He’s going to know we lied. He’s going to be disappointed not just in his mother, but in me.
And that pulses a stab of guilt right through my stomach.
I’m not sure if going over to Jolene’s place is the best idea tonight given the heightened interest in me right now, but I need to see her. I need to see him, too.
I text her as soon as Grayson and I hang up.
Me: You around tonight? I’d like to see you and Jonah, too.
I debate calling Asher. He called earlier before my locker room speech. Now that I’m his coach, we have sort of a different relationship than I have with my other two brothers.
I realize the only reason I’d call him is to put off calling my father, so I finally give in.
And when dear ol’ Dad answers, it’s about what I expected.
“I’m so goddamn disappointed in you, boy. Look what you’ve done.”
I press my lips together. Maybe I should be used to it. Maybe I should’ve even expected it. But it still hurts, and it makes me feel even more for Jonah, who’s still young enough that he can find another positive male role model since his dad is so unpredictable.
I relate to that kid more than I ever realized because I wish someone else was my dad, too. Even now.
“The heart wants what it wants,” I finally say.
“Yeah, well, I warned you off her two decades ago, but you couldn’t keep it in your fucking pants, could you?”
