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‘Our sleeping together again was a really big mistake,’ she mumbled.
‘It had to happen, Kelsi, you know it did. You can’t regret it.’
She didn’t look at him. It had to happen? What, they’d had to burn it out? But it wasn’t burned out—for her it meant more than ever. Her hands slid to her belly. She regretted everything.
‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘Do not regret that.’ He walked across the room—halfway to the door already. ‘Kelsi, I have to go. This is my life.’
Yeah. His life of travel and adventure and always striving to push his body to the absolute boundaries of ability—all so admirable. Her anger raged—because his ‘extreme’ life was so safe. And so selfish.
‘And this is mine. You have to get on with yours, Jack, I get that. But I have to move on and make a life for myself and my child.’
He turned hack to face her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean I’m going to get on with it.’
‘Without me.’
‘You’re the one choosing to leave.’
‘And there’s no coming back? Is that it?’
She nodded fiercely.
‘What, this is some kind of ultimatum?’ His voice rose.
Yeah. She wanted to test him—she wanted the truth in his answer. ‘That too big a pill for you, Jack? Someone asking you for something?’
‘You’re not asking, you’re demanding. And your price is too high.’
So it was true that words were mightier than the sword—words could hurt in a way that physical wounds couldn’t. They could poison, and tear apart. She felt as if he’d just sliced her womb open—exposing her and her baby to extreme vulnerability.
His anger lifted. ‘You’d really rather I didn’t come back at all?’
Kelsi clung to the back of the dining chair, gripping it with both hands. Trying to breathe normally, not take the great gulps that would give her away—that would accelerate into sobs all too soon. Her brain strained to function, to protect herself and the tiny life inside her.
‘I have to go,’ he said too firmly. ‘I’m sorry, Kelsi.’
She’d heard those meaningless words before. She’d been let down so many times before. What was she going to tell her child? Sorry, honey, but Daddy was too busy getting his kicks flipping round mountains to call in. ‘There’s more to life than tricks and turns and casual sex.’
His muscles bunched. ‘This is my job. You have to understand that.’
She could tell this baby that until she was blue in the face hut there was always, always that kernel inside that felt the rejection personally. The child would still know that it wasn’t a priority. That its father couldn’t be bothered—that his work was more important. Even when he had billions in the bank and didn’t need to work at all.
Rejection. There was nothing like it.
Kelsi knew the feeling all too well. And even though she had the most wonderful mother who had loved her and supported her—it was still there. There was still that kernel—the one grit of sand that rubbed a tiny spot raw.
Her father hadn’t wanted her. And had let her down again and again.
Just as Jack was letting this child down.
He wouldn’t change his lifestyle for it. Hotel rooms. A few months here. A few months there. Hell, he wouldn’t even be in Christchurch much. When he was in New Zealand he’d be at Karearea Lodge for the season. All this time fixing up the house hadn’t been for him. His interest in the kitchen design had just been a passing entertainment. The whole thing was simply another project—a job to get done a.s.a.p. so he could get back to the fun bits.
Without her.
And she was such a fool.
‘What happened to shared custody?’ Her voice rose, wobbling. ‘What happened to you taking me to court and fighting me for your right to be a father?’
