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‘You were pushing me out, Kelsi. I had to say something. I had to keep you talking to me. I needed time.’
‘For what? To sleep with me some more while you sorted out the house and the money and stuff so then you could go on your merry way feeling like everything was just fabulous? Was this just another little challenge? Was I just another challenge?’
‘Kelsi, you’re not thinking rationally. You’re pregnant and you’re getting upset.’
‘Don’t you dare blame my getting upset on pregnancy hormones. You’re being a selfish jerk, Jack. Own up to it. And if you want out, then get out for good.’
'No, you’re being unreasonable. What do you want from me?’ he shouted. ‘I’m working as hard as I can to fix this.’
He was throwing some money around and escaping.
‘And I’m having a baby,’ she shouted back. ‘But the timing sucks and you’re not the father my child needs. I wanted to give my child what I didn’t have. While my mother was fantastic, I know how hard she had to work, the sacrifices she made and what she missed out on because she had me so young and all on her own. I didn’t want to let her down by making the same mistake.’
‘You were not a mistake,’ Jack said quickly. ‘Our being together was not a mistake. Our child is not a mistake.’
‘No, but our continuing to have any kind of a relationship is.’ She slammed the chair into place beneath the table. ‘You’re walking out, Jack. You can’t cope with the idea of settling. Your pattern is fixed and it isn’t going to change and that’s fine. But I’m not putting my child in a position to have to deal with you popping in and out of its life like a jack-in-the-box.’ She looked up at him. ‘I know what it’s like to be let down time and time again.’ She straightened. ‘I won’t let you do it. I’m going to move out and make my own home for my baby.’
‘This is ridiculous Kelsi.’ His temper flared and he walked towards her. ‘Be honest. This isn’t even about the baby. You keep saying it is, but it isn’t. This is about you. You’re mad because I’m leaving you.’
Of all the arrogant, cruel, utterly correct things to throw at her. She was furious. Yes, she’d fallen for him. He’d made her fall for him. She wanted him to be with her—to want to be with her. But she’d be damned if she was going to admit that. Not when he so clearly didn’t want her the same way.
‘Not at all, Jack,’ she said, her pride bursting out like New Year’s fireworks lighting the sky. ‘You can go any time you like. It doesn’t bother me.’
‘Really.’ He pulled up taut.
‘Of course,’ she said, her words brittle and bitchy. ‘This is just a fling. It’s always been fantasy sex. Physical attraction and all that. You know we’re not compatible in any other aspect.’
‘Really.’ Now he spoke with equally cool precision. ‘Okay, so if this isn’t about you or about us, then it is about the baby. But are you sure you’re doing such a great job thinking about what will really be of benefit to our child?’
‘I’m the one putting this child first, Jack.’
‘You’re putting your own hang-ups first,’ he snapped. ‘I’m not like your father. I’m not lying—I’m not going to promise something I have no intention of following through on. I’ll always step up to my responsibilities but I will do it my way. Yes, a child needs security and consistency but it’s also important for him to see his parents happy and fulfilled and achieving their dreams. So the kid learns that it’s possible to make dreams come true.’
He walked towards her making his case—articulate, driven, compelling—and slicing the certainty from her.
‘So our child won’t have a dad in a conventional job or parents in a conventional relationship. So what? Why does that mean I have to be excluded completely from its life? You don’t think the kid might actually be proud of what I do?’
Kelsi folded her arms across her chest and pressed her hands deeper into her sides to stop the hurt escaping.
‘I have got a lot I can offer that child—much more than money. I can teach our child passion and in a few years it can travel with me. Imagine the unique experiences I can provide. It’d be a blast.’
She gulped to hold back her gasp—because that really hurt. That hurt more than anything. Because there’d been no mention—no hint even—of her travelling with him. Of her becoming involved in the one true passion of his life.
His mouth compressed at her lack of response. ‘I’m the one doing all the running here, Kelsi. I’ve put my job on hold for the last fortnight so I can sort you out a home and some security—financial and physical. I’m doing all I can to compromise. It’s about time you did, too.’
‘Two weeks, huh. Jack?’ Scorn poured from her. ‘How big of you to give it so long. I’m automatically landed with the next nine months. Think on that for a minute, why don’t you?’
Jack stalked to the door. ‘I won’t ever deny that you have the bigger burden, Kelsi. But nor will I let you deny all that I have to contribute as well.’
TWELVE
Kelsi operated on sub-normal capacity all day. She’d have to catch up on work in the upcoming weekend again. Theoretically that was no problem, because by then she wouldn’t have anyone around to distract her.
But Jack was in her head distracting her now. His words repeated round and round, making her feel really, really bad. She hadn’t thought about the full implication of her threat, she’d just hit out because she was hurt.
If she was honest, she’d admit he had a point. He’d been doing everything he could, while she’d stropped around all preoccupied by her insecurities and yearnings for him. She’d protested she was trying to protect her child, but it was all about protecting herself. Her need to carve him from her life was purely for self-preservation. But the baby didn’t deserve to miss out on all the good things he had to offer. Lots of people had all kinds of co-parenting arrangements that worked beautifully. She was just going to have to toughen up and get over wanting so much more from him.
But oh, it hurt. How deeply she’d fallen for him. How sky-high her dreams had travelled. They crashed now.
