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Jack pulled her close and took her as if he were about to board a ship and face six months’ celibacy. Which he was. But it was so much more than this that he was going to miss. He wanted to be with her as the house was put back together, wanted to laugh with her, wanted just to be with her.
Every hour he knew he ought to say something. But every hour he waited made it worse and he couldn’t and he was so angry with himself for feeling wrong about something that was right.
That was it—the dream he’d been chasing all his life. He had to go.
And, he figured, how she reacted would be his final answer. Whether she wanted him for something more, or whether this was simply fun sex with a few complications. Complications that for him were becoming increasingly awful.
On Thursday morning Jack was out of bed hours before she was. He’d made her a light breakfast as he had every morning since they’d come together again. But he didn’t touch the toast he had on his own plate.
‘Kelsi.’
She glanced at him, surprised and silenced by the pale tension in his face.
‘I’m flying to Canada on Friday.’
She swallowed back the excess spit that had just surged in her mouth and clamped down on her muscles. Now was not the time for morning sickness. ‘Next week?’
‘No. I mean tomorrow.’
She reeled in disbelief. Started to giggle—but it died before it bubbled from her lips because he was looking horribly serious. ‘When did you book the ticket?’
‘Monday.’
So he’d known most of the week? ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
He stood up from the table but didn’t walk. ‘I?—’
‘Didn’t want to.’ That was obvious. So only twenty-four hours out from his departure he was landing it on her. She supposed she should be grateful for even that long. It could have been only a couple. She tried not to let panic clutch hold of her. ‘How long will you be gone for?’
‘Three or four months.’
Wow. She pushed her plate of toast away. Here it was— that future she’d been ignoring. She’d known. His knee was better, he was increasing his exercise.
But she just hadn’t believed it. She’d got dazzled by the intensity of their togetherness in the last few days. Had actually started to think his insatiable hunger and need to be near her might mean something more.
But all it had been was him making the most of things before he went away. Having the fun while he could. But he’d have fun over there, too—he was going off with his mates and the snowbunnies and temptation and she was as jealous as hell. And hurt.
He was leaving her. Of course he was leaving her. Had she been so stupid to think that he wouldn’t? Yes, she had.
Three or four months meant he’d be away when she had her nineteen week scan. Her baby’s first photo and he wouldn’t be there. The first of a million milestones that he’d miss. Just as her father had missed most of hers.
Her baby deserved better.
‘Kelsi?’
He was watching her closely. What did he expect—that she’d smile and say okay? It wasn’t okay, she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him. He wanted everything too easy.
‘Um...’ Emotion swamped her—pain and anger. Her hands shook and she curled her fingers to stop it. She couldn’t get past the shock. And the cold hard truth of his rejection. There wasn’t even the tiniest consideration that she might go with him. He was just going to walk out and leave her.
Military wives coped with their men leaving all the time. She knew that. But they had promises and security—and she didn’t mean financial.
Emotional. There was no emotional security with Jack.
‘Kelsi. You’ll be fine. You’ll be secure here.’
The air punctured her lungs like shards of glass, deflating the last of her dreams. Did he really think that was all that mattered? What about her heart? Her shaking only worsened and she stood. He’d given her more than that security. He’d given her a child and empty hope. And as payment he’d taken her heart. Only he didn’t actually want it.
And that was the horrible reality, wasn’t it—he didn’t want her. Not for anything more than a little fling.
