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Overlooking the beautiful view of West Palm Beach, I turned to him and gave another reminder that I wasn’t the primary focus. Though I loved that he put my consideration first, his child’s needs had to be at the top of that list.
“Do you think your child can grow here comfortably?” His creased, bushy brows didn’t like my answer. “Seriously, Zeek. This high rise is no different than your current place. Ocean view, penthouse, and all luxury. This says you, not a baby. Granted you can raise a child in this environment for at least the first year of its life, but what happens when the child grows up and starts walking? That balcony door will need to stay locked. Parks aren’t that far. Again, it can work but we’ve also seen some really nice family homes that could work just as well too.”
Plopping down on the sofa, he ran a hand over his freshly twisted locs and sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, Sunnie.”
My poor baby was stressed. Taking a seat next to him, our fingers intertwined, and his frown softened. “You know what you’re doing, Zeek. You’re afraid of messing up and that’s okay. You know better than anyone that parents aren’t going to be perfect. They’ll make mistakes, the same as the kid. But that’s where grace and patience come in. Give yourself grace, Love. The fact that we’re out here looking at places for your child shows that you’re already taking into consideration you want the baby to feel comfortable and protected. You got this.” I nudged his shoulder, earning a low chuckle.
“Yeah, you’re right.” He started to play with my fingers, shoulders once again heavy with whatever thoughts were running wild in his head. “How are you feeling about all of this, about my child? We’ve yet to go in-depth about us and what it is that we’re doing and plan on doing but I know I want you, Sunnie. I want us. I went from being a single man to now a package deal with a kid. Is that something you even want with me?”
Whew, be steady my beating heart.
Turning until my eyes leveled with his, I spoke honestly, “Being in your life means being in your child’s life, and the last thing I want to do is create a revolving door situation. That’s not fair to you and definitely not fair to your child.” The old me would’ve said no and left him sitting where he was. But this new version of me that we were slowly creating was all in. “I love you, Ezekiel. We’ve been coasting on this unspoken turf of existing in each other’s spaces, romancing our wounds, and adding pages to our story. To me, to my heart, you’re it for me. I want this with you. Yes, when you revealed to me that you were about to be a father to another woman’s baby it crushed me. Paralyzed all my hopes and dreams until I digested and accepted. If I say that I love you that means I have to love everything attached to you.” I had to cover my mouth and stop the gasp from spewing out once the realization hit me.
My daddy.
Aleyah might’ve already been born when he met my mom but her existence never stopped him from pursuing her. Damn, God had a sense of humor. Here I was judging my daddy. Creating these fucked up scenarios in my head to justify my jealousy when I’m in the same predicament.
Wow.
Look how the tables have turned.
“I’m sorry. I just had a revelation about my daddy. Anyway, I want a family with you. I want a family with your child. We can do this and we’re going to do this.” Anxiety, a good anxiety, pumped through my veins like hot ice.
My answer must’ve been the answer he’s been seeking. My back rested on the sofa and his tongue parted my lips. Nastily, this man assaulted my mouth in the best way possible. My moans were loud and disrespectful. I’ll apologize to the realtor later.
“Shit.” With my bottom lip in his possession, his pelvis grinded against my lower extremities creating such a satisfying friction. “Hold on, baby. Hello.” He sat up, pulling me up with him. “I know, Crystal, and I’m sorry. I really am. Are you home now? Okay, give me twenty minutes. Do you need anything? Are you supposed to be eating that? What… but… fine. I’m on my way.” He hung up, smiling. “Wanna meet the mother of my child?”
Oh, shoot.
Were we really about to do this?
“Yes, I want to meet her.”
After informing the realtor that we had some decisions to make and we’d call her when we did, he picked up food from Ola Ola and headed towards Sawgrass. Like Zeek, Crystal lived in a highrise right by the Sawgrass Mall. Top-floor penthouse condo with an immaculate view. I had all the time in the world to look her up to see what she looked like but I didn’t. Wanted our first meeting to be as authentic as possible. She hadn’t blown up Zeek much in the four months and a half that she’s been pregnant, so I didn’t get the vibe that she was going to be a nuisance.
“Damn, you’re big as hell.” Those were Zeek’s first words to her when she opened the door.
“Ezekiel.” I punched him in the arm. That was rude as hell.
Crystal, on the other hand, found it funny as hell. “Thanks for the reminder. Come in.”
Crystal might’ve been an adult entertainer he only messed with onset, but one look at her confirmed that Zeek had a type. Bronze skin tone. Wide hips and a fat ass type. In a sports bra and basketball shorts, the casual attire did nothing to diminish her beauty. Chinky hazel eyes and full lips that curved into a beautiful smile showing all-white teeth. A hint of jealousy hit me watching him ogle her. Not in a lustful way, but in a way of recognition. Her four-and-a-half-month belly with the poked out belly button extended substantially and his hands gravitated like a magnet.
“My bad, Crys. When you said you gained weight and sent me the pictures… was that a kick?” Pure shock covered his handsome face and my heart started to beat fast.
This isn’t about you, Sunnie.
I wanted to give him these first moments.
Giggling, Crystal moved his hands higher on her belly and his head dropped. “Baby Donovan is very active.”
Goodness, this was going to be a long visit. Do you know what you’re having?” I finally found my voice.
“You found out without me?” His deep voice vibrated against the walls.
Not at all phased by his outburst, Crystal sat on her deep cushioned plush couch and prayed over her food, totally ignoring the hovering man. “If you’re upset with anyone it should be yourself.” She never raised her voice, completely calm and soft. “I’ve called you, Ezekiel. Called and texted you when I had appointments and you’ve done nothing but send me to voicemail or ignore me. Like I told you in the beginning, I’m not going to force you to do a damn thing. You’re a grown ass man.”
I liked her.
