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“She cheated on me,” I said quietly. I’d never told Kai, never wanted to, because that wasn’t even the worst part.
Kai cursed and muttered something about having gathered that last night, her attention snapping to me.
I crinkled my nose thoughtfully. “I think I deserved it. But she…” I took a deep breath, ready to trudge up muddy memories of someone I had once trusted. “Caroline was a high school biology tutor.”
Kai slapped a hand over her mouth. She understood before I even said it.
“The kid begged me not to tell,” I said. “The kid. I got in touch with him when I found out to see if he needed help, and he begged me. He said they were in love, and he didn’t want Caroline to be taken away. He was seventeen. Caroline and I were twenty-one.”
Kai’s mouth hung on its hinges. She didn’t appear to be offended in the slightest that I’d never told her, rather interested in hearing the rest of the story. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t know what to do, Kai. I heard him out. It was only a four-year difference, and I was so thrown off I hardly knew where to turn. But I remembered what you said about that guy from Holland. Do you remember him?”
She nodded. Some guy Ana met right when she and Kai first started school in Spain. He was ten years older than her, and she was a fresh eighteen. It didn’t last long. I remembered Kai saying she didn’t see the big deal with the age gap as long as it was all consensual, but as time went on, she let me in on little glimpses of clarity. Finally, she realized that the issue wasn’t whether Ana wanted to or not. It was the fact that the guy didn’t make the correct decision even though he knew better, even though he knew Ana would grow and slowly realize what had happened to her. And that’s how he actively took advantage of her.
So, I had to come to terms with the type of person I’d been dating. She’d dragged me through the mud, and I’d let her. I told, and she never forgave me.
“I don’t ever want to be near that again,” I said after explaining how everything went down. How Caroline lost her job, but no charges were pressed. How she was blacklisted because of it. “I just want Caroline to go away.”
It hurt when all that happened. I can’t lie. But it was just Caroline, so I got over it. I could never imagine going through that with someone I truly loved, watching them fall from a pedestal like that or letting them hold my heart only for them to drop in the dirt. I’m not sure I’d be able to endure it.
Chapter 26
Kai
I was glad I didn’t mention anything to Jonah about what happened in the bathroom last night.
At first, when I realized he didn’t remember, disappointment hit me hard. Even thinking about what he’d done sent those bubbles from between my thighs straight up my spine. He looked far too delicious, hungover and raspy with his open button-down hanging around him and his pants undone just enough for me to see the way his torso dove into them.
I’d hoped we’d fumble our way through an awkward conversation which I could then steer toward an outcome in which he might consider showing me his cock. But after everything he told me, finally, after all these years, I was glad I didn’t say anything. I had no idea just how heavy the whole thing had been, how fiercely he must have been mistrusting his own instincts after all that. And he said nothing simply because he was ashamed.
Jonah had never been a proud person. Perhaps a bit condescending if given the opportunity to speak his true feelings or even a little cocky when it came to his outrageous talent, but never proud. He berated himself for the things he did wrong, and so he began doing nothing at all. I watched him sink into it over the years, his music the only pathway out. Lately he’d been interacting more, going out more, making more decisions for himself. I was happy to see him finally emerging, though heartbroken to learn this part of what he’d been ruminating on all this time.
We had the day off from the studio as Noah worked out details with his cousin, putting the guys yet another day behind on recording. No one seemed to care, though. I took the opportunity to sneak off to the gym despite my hangover. Between Caroline, Justin, and Jonah, I had too much to process, and there was only one place I could sort it. Surely, the physical strain would whack my thoughts into place. Or silence them. Either option was welcome.
???
Briggs and I sat together on a bench, waiting for Aaron to finish his set on the squat rack instead of spotting him like we probably should’ve been. I watched him lower down and rise back up a few times, judging his depth from afar. He really needed to work on his mobility.
My thoughts of Aaron’s hip flexors were immediately knocked aside by every other thing swimming around in my brain. What frustrated me the most, believe it or not, was Jonah. I really didn’t care about Justin, and I decided not to dwell on what that said about me, because I was sure it would come back to haunt me in a random flood of tears one day when my body finally decided to process it. That’s usually how it went.
But what was at the front of my mind, grabbing my neurons by the helm, was Jonah. Our teasing went way too far last night, and then he licked me. Jonah Asher Alexander licked me. And I was all for it.
What in the world was wrong with me?
So, my best friend had gotten a little better looking. Big whoop. In all honesty, he looked exactly the same, he just showered more, which really shouldn’t have been enough to do it for me. And okay, so his sarcasm was funny sometimes, and he knew me inside and out, and he cared for me almost to a fault. So maybe it was a little more than the shower thing, but it was still fucking weird. My thoughts confused me, and they’d been confusing me since Tiff opened her big, stupid mouth. Her beautiful, intelligent, but also big and very stupid mouth.
“Briggs.” I nudged my friend’s shoulder, and his hazel eyes landed on me with his full attention. “Why do you love Thalia?” I needed some rationalization, for someone to talk about their own experience so that I’d realize mine was just a silly crush.
A little twitch in his lips showed me he was holding in a smile. With nothing more than the mention of her name, I could see that glimmer of light in his gaze which had slowly faded as he realized she wasn’t coming in today. Just like that, it was back. “That’s a random question, Kai.”
“But you’ll take any excuse to talk about her, and I’m trying to work some stuff out.” I shook my head at him as if it were obvious and placed my hands on the leather seat to settle in.
He made a breathy sound of understanding, rolling his eyes as his grin grew into something mischievous. “You like someone.”
My heart rate shot up at his smooth declaration, and I almost stomped my foot on the ground in denial. “B! We’re talking about Thalia.”
“Haven’t you ever been in love?” he crooned, leaning into me and gazing up toward the sky. Well…toward the pipes and vents lining the ceiling.
