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Her gaze burned a hole right through me, not with anger, but with an intense sweetness that devoured my senses like a piece of cake that’s far too rich. Her stare did not falter as she approached and set the tray on my desk, placing a bowl of cut strawberries with sugar sprinkled on them next to me and handing me a mug of coffee, nor did it waver as she sat next to me and faced me, holding her own mug in her hands and taking a long sip.
“What did I do?” I asked warily.
Her eyebrows twitched, first with confusion, then with…hurt?
“How much do you remember?” Caution. She was using caution.
I could’ve told her nothing, let her retell the entire night. But would she divulge? How bad had it been? I could’ve told her I remembered everything so she’d open up as if there was nothing to hide, but if she assumed I already knew, perhaps she wouldn’t go into detail. Fuck. I decided to be honest.
“Hardly anything. I feel guilty and I don’t know why. Did I offend you in some way?”
She blinked twice before looking off to the side, weighing the best way to tell me, perhaps. “Nothing happened.” She shook her head and offered me a little smile. “It’s just anxiety, Jojo. Nothing happened.”
I didn’t believe her until she started telling me how she got me home. She giggled as she re-enacted how my head had been rolling around on my neck as if it weighed fifty pounds, leading my body wherever it fell. I smiled while she informed me that I’d fallen into my mattress with my shirt unbuttoned and my pants undone, and she’d slipped my sneakers off my dangling feet while I lay there face down.
Apparently, Oli and June had chosen to stay behind, and Kai told me so with the same voice she uses when she has a really good piece of gossip. “You know how they are with public sex and all,” she said, swiping one hand down conversationally.
I rolled my eyes, grinning, thanking the universe that their kink was to do it out of the house when they could, and not something worse like in their roommate’s bed. We laughed together for a few long moments, which released the larger part of my nerves and assured me I’d done nothing last night to ruin our friendship.
“And Caroline?” I finally asked, taking a sip of my drink.
Kai’s smile grew. “Do I have permission to call her a bitch?”
“Call her whatever you want. No one’s listening but me.”
She stood from her seat and set her coffee on the nightstand. “Jonah, you gave that bitch the smackdown of the century!”
“What?” My heart jumped. Had my encounter with Justin turned me into some sort of raging lunatic? I sent my senses to my knuckles, weighing just how much they hurt. Is that where the guilt was coming from? “I… Are you serious? I would never, Kai. Justin was different. I would never.”
“No! Oh my god, no, Jo. Verbal smackdown. You told her off so well I almost dropped to my knees to bow to you.” I wouldn’t have minded seeing that. “You were like, ‘I tried, and it didn’t work.’ Something like, ‘It’s not my job to fill the gaping black hole that is your self-esteem.’ Oh, it was fucking awesome. I will never forget it. I also may or may not have insinuated that we’ve hooked up.” She pulled her cheeks back as if she felt sorry about it, but I could see that she didn’t by the way she shoved her thumbnail between her teeth and beamed.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Kai’s feelings for me were somehow changing. She was acting…different. She was looking at me differently. I couldn’t quite pin it, but it was like most giggle-prone person on the planet went and got gigglier, like her smile got smilier and her closeness got closer.
I shook my head at the thought. I was being ridiculous, and this really wasn’t the time.
“Oh, I feel so bad.” I ran my hand over my face, trying to cover my grin. I didn’t really feel bad, but I should have. Yesterday consisted of a punch and a kick to my manager’s face and a “verbal smackdown” on my ex. Years of avoiding confrontation altogether had put me quite out of practice, or so I thought. But I’d be lying if I said the exposure, the straying from my lane, didn’t make me feel anxious. The nerves between my ribs told me that was probably enough social interaction for the rest of the year.
“Can I ask what you did to deserve it? All the hate, I mean.” I was hardly offended by Kai’s question. I knew the role I played in it all.
“I didn’t love her. Why?”
“Because I need to know what we’re working with. Are you sure you didn’t do anything else? You can tell me if you were an asshole to her.”
I loved you the whole time, and while I never admitted it to her, she knew. “Nothing, Kai. We both fucked up.”
She gave me a look like she didn’t believe me but continued on anyway. “Then how are we going to snap back at her? Revenge? Confrontation? Let’s get on some super spy outfits and go find her. We can follow her around and pull pranks.”
“What will that accomplish?”
“Nothing, but it’ll be funny.”
I shook my head and took another sip. The coffee really wasn’t very good, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. She still wasn’t on the best of terms with the coffee machine, and I wouldn’t dare pick sides. “If it has anything to do with Caroline, it’ll blow up in my face. Believe me.”
“Jojo, if you’re going down, I’m jumping head first into the flames after you. Let’s cause some chaos.”
A smile took my face as I doused her hot madness. “I can’t, Kai.”
She whined, kicking one foot and pacing about the room. I knew she didn’t really want to cause any drama; she was just bored and looking for me to work through my feelings. But I didn’t need to work through them. I disliked Caroline not only for our relationship, but for how she treated me after. How she treated others. It was nothing that sparked the need for revenge or even closure. I simply wanted to continue my life without her in it.
