AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Then what was that?” Joq asked evenly enough, but he also sounded detached, like he didn’t really care either way.
Oddly, it made Chris feel better. Closer. He took a step forward and sat on the other side of the deck, dropped his feet into the water.
“I’m fucked up,” he whispered.
“Fucked up how?” Joq replied like he was already done with this conversation.
Chris laughed. He couldn’t help it—he was the one who ran away in disgust and yet if anyone sounded disgusted it was Joq.
He glanced over. Joq watched him back steadily, but under that he looked done.
“Remember I said I only date people once?” he said.
Joq nodded.
“It’s because I lose all interest after we… I don’t mean to,” he added because it was important, “but after I come, I feel… I want them to go away.”
Joq took that in but didn’t say anything. Chris was prepared for a reprimand. He was getting nothing.
“It’s not conscious,” he went on, feeling terrified. “It’s my body, it just, loses all interest.”
Joq stared at him. “You’ve come in me, on me, more times than I can count,” he finally said.
“It’s been different with you,” Chris replied. “I thought it’d gone away.”
“So, you only like me because I’m the first guy you haven’t wanted to fuck and bail on. Nice,” Joq said.
“No,” Chris replied because that wasn’t true at all. “I like you because I like you.”
“But I am the only guy you’ve been able to fuck more than once, right? Well, except not anymore,” Joq finished and laughed bitterly. “Jesus,” he said as he looked out to the horizon. “Did I wrong some God? Or am I getting what I deserve for what I did?”
“It’s not personal,” Chris said.
“You reject people after you sleep with them and it’s not personal?”
“It’s physical,” Chris insisted.
“You realise that’s just as bad, right?” Joq shook his head and finished his beer. He got up. “I’m gonna go.”
“What? No! Go where?” Chris leapt up and grabbed his arm.
“I don’t need this shit again, someone else’s shit,” Joq said.
He was so close in Chris’ hold, his expression tired but his eyes glinted with anger, like he was rejecting Chris right back. Chris took a deep breath and Joq’s smell washed over him—clean but musky with the scent of sex. Chris wasn’t disgusted.
“Let me go,” Joq said, a quiet intensity in his tone.
“No,” Chris replied, surprised by his own anger.
“You want a test case to work through your fucked up rich boy baggage,” Joq said coldly, his eyes flashing. “I’m not it.”
“I think you are,” Chris said, a little mean himself as he walked Joq back, grabbed his other bicep and used his height advantage to push Joq against the wall and cage him in. He didn’t miss the way Joq was letting him do it. He was furious in his quiet way, but he was allowing Chris to manhandle him. “I think you like me.”
“And I think you’re a fucking liar,” Joq replied in a calm tone. “You’ve acted this whole time like you like me, the person, when really all you like is finding a hole you can fuck more than once.”
Jesus, but that went straight to Chris’ dick. He did like that. Liked it a lot. But it was bullshit too.
“Like you?” he leaned down and ghosted his breath over Joq’s throat until his lips were hovering over his ear. “I don’t like you.”
