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“Mamma and Papa… they had a choice?”
“Royals don’t get the benefit of a love match. I didn’t, either. Your grandfather and I learned to live together. That was the point—partnership. Love may come later. It did for your parents. They fell in love soon after they wed. The same could happen for you, my dear. It is easier this way.”
It wasn’t. I worried about the choice she would make. When I decided to engineer this, I did so under the assumption I would choose my match—not her. Celeste again held the cards. I refused to let her win. I needed to get my freedom. I would figure it out. I had to fight her.
“So you could choose some controlling brute of a man?”
“I would never!” Celeste was scandalised by the mere mention. “No. I would choose someone suitable for you.”
“Someone old?”
“Certainly not. You must have children! He would be young, handsome, and never rough. I would pick someone who I knew would take care of you.”
I sat with that for a moment. It would never be so easy.
“You are precious, but you need someone to guide you. And right now, you will never be worth more to a respectable family than you are. You’re a virgin, you are of good breeding, and you haven’t had time to develop bad habits or a negative view in the eyes of the press. You’ve never been seen out doing something dreadful. This is for the best.”
But was it? She never had my best interest in mind.
“As a queen, your prospects are limited. No man will prefer you to a princess born lower in the line of succession. Your appearance is rather unremarkable, you are small, have the hips of a broodmare, and lack the beauty your mother possessed. She didn’t come laden with the responsibility of being a monarch out of the gate. You not only have that, but you have an immediate need to produce heirs.”
My grandmother was right. No man would want to sign up for this mission. I was in charge and he would always be secondary. A husband's job was to like me enough to bed me and produce children quickly. I had little desire for perfunctory sex for the sake of popping out babies. It frightened me. We’d lost my mother that way. Maybe we could agree to hold off on that bit for a while? Once the regency ended, Celeste had no say in my affairs.
“I don’t think you are ready for this,” Celeste sighed. “But, if you do change your mind, I know of one possibility that would fit the bill. Even Queen Margaux is sure he might benefit from such a match. I am glad to invite him here. Let you get to know one another. Give you some time to see if it would work. You may decide it is a favourable choice?”
I sighed. What could I do? And if Margaux approved, maybe he wasn’t the worst choice in the world? Given how kind and sensitive her boys were, I assumed she’d never stand for an abusive, controlling sort of man. Her husband was a sweetheart. She knew what it took to be a queen and what to look for in a consort.
“Sure,” I said quietly. “I can try.”
I wanted to end my regency at any cost. I returned to my room and flopped on the bed. Astrid came up.
“Did the bitch release you?”
“Astrid, don’t use such language!”
“Oh, come on. You could. You just won’t.”
Astrid was only a year younger, but we were so different. She was feisty. She watched American crime dramas and liked to swear. She was rough-and-tumble and down for a fight. Astrid protected me by causing unrest and provoking Celeste. There was no one in this world I loved more than my dear sister. I envied her. She would never know this burden, but I couldn't free her until I was free myself. The guilt weighed heavy on me.
She lay down next to me. We both stared at the canopy on my bed.
Astrid asked, “What’s up, buttercup?”
“The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What?”
“Celeste agreed to end the regency if I married a man of her choosing. She has someone in mind. She is bringing him here.”
“What!? That’s madness!”
I sighed. “I know. And yet, it could make us all much happier, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I wed, I am free. You all are free.”
“If you wed, you are tied to some dickhead who could ruin your life, Alex. That’s no better. I don’t want that for you.”
