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“And you’ll still be here!” Lauren clasps her hands together under her chin and smiles. “I mean not here here. But here!”
I join in her giggles and take her up on her eager idea to go check out the apartment. For the first time in a long while, I’ve got something to look forward to. Curiosity fills me about what the place is like, and a sense of adventure comes with the prospect of making another new home for myself. Maybe this building’s front door won’t be out of whack.
Lauren drives us down the road and into Breckenridge. It’s more on the outskirts, and it’s quite easy to locate Ms. Henning’s former residence. We enter the building—no questionable door out front, yay—and scope out the place that will be mine until I either decide to renew the lease or move somewhere else. Hopefully with a steady income again, I’ll have some options to consider.
Fortunately, the apartment is nice. It’s on the small side, but that doesn’t bother me. Why would it? I’m a bachelorette, for life it seems. I don’t need a ton of room to move around and do much. It’s not crowded and confining, but cozy. The furniture Ms. Henning left behind is all new and in excellent condition. Wide windows let in ample light, and when I peer through one, I smile at the café on the corner across the street as well as the pub in the otherdirection. Fairy lights are draped from bistro tables on the sidewalk, and I can hear the surprisingly good cover band practicing on a makeshift stage. I didn’t count on having local live entertainment too. If I only have to focus on covering the living expenses here, versus California, maybe I can afford to have a nightlife again.
What a novel idea.
“This is so cute!” Lauren hugs me again. Her eyes sparkle with excitement, and I’m so happy I can share this experience with her. My sister, my best friend. I wouldn’t trade her for the world, and having her here makes it all the sweeter. I’ll never regret getting her out of marrying Jeremy, not even at the cost of my career—which it looks like I’ll have again.
“Look!” She releases me and hurries to a window, pointing at the scene. “I’ll never tire of those mountains in the distance. It’s so beautiful.”
“It’s just so gorgeous,” I agree. I lean against her, resting my cheek on her shoulder as I give her a side hug.
“I’m so glad you’re staying,” she tells me. “I worried when I came here and decided to stay with Caleb that I’d miss you so much in California. I guess we can thank Jeremy for changing up your life and bringing you here.” She steps away, smirking and rolling her eyes. She said his name with such clear disgust, I have to smile a bit. “Really, though. I’m very happy we can spend time here together, especially away from my parents.”
“They were awful.” I stroll around the room, feeling lighter with the idea of what I can do here. Read in that chair there. Make my own food when I’m unable to enjoy Marian’s. Sleep without noisy neighbors like I had in LA.
“This winter would’ve been unbearable. Caleb will be back and forth between here and New York so much, and while he’s bouncing around like that, I can stay busy with you.” She playfully narrows her eyes and points at me. “I’m not forgetting about your promise to help me renovate and design the long-term housing in Frisco.”
I grin. “I’ll be there.” It’ll be so much fun. The creative opportunities are endless.
Lauren plops onto the couch and I join her. After a long sigh, she faces me. “You’ll be happy here?”
I gesture at the living room. “How could I not be?”
“You’ve been miserable since…”
I sniffle and cover my face. Tears hit me at once. It’s either PMS, or I’m losing it. “Since he left.” All this time we’ve been checking out the apartment, I’ve been stubbornly clinging to the happiness I should feel with my best friend here. I’ve got a new job. A new place—rent free. I shouldn’t be sad, but it’s like a lurking monster beneath the surface. All it takes is one comment for me to burst.
“Oh…Come here.” She holds her arm out and I crawl in to lean against her.
“I made such a huge mistake.”
“How?”
I cry harder. “By pushing him away.”
“He was already planning to go back to New York. For work. And to tell his ex to back off.”
I shake my head. “That’s not all of it.”
“Then tell me.” She strokes my hair back from my face and comforts me.
“I love him. But I never told him.”
“Why not?”
“I was scared. I used this whole thing with Johanna and all her drama with him as an excuse to push him away. I wanted to hide how terrified I was of being in love with him. Instead of just going for it, instead of taking a risk for once in my life, I chickened out.”
“You are one of the bravest women I know,” she confides gently and soothingly, but no less certainly. “You took a huge risk standing up for me. You took big risks trying to make a new life somewhere new.”
I sniffle, letting her words sink in. I know that. I’m aware what I’ve done is no small thing, coming out here with nothing. It’s not the same thing as the matter of my heart though.
“One day, Aubrey, I know you will let love in.”
I cry harder and she holds me tighter. “But I lost the only one I do love.”
