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I wake up to another bleary day. The sun is shining brightly. Birds chirp outside my window. The smell of fresh-cut grass wafts in, courtesy of Lauren’s mowing earlier. It’s lovely out there, but I wallow in this inner gloom and grief that I debate staying in bed even longer than I already am. I’ve got no willpower to get up yet, not when nothing excites me. It’s a similar funk I endured after my parents’ deaths.
I overheard Lauren telling Marian that I’m like a husk of my former self, but she just doesn’t get it. She’s never lost someone like this. She’s never had to live through a horrible spell of not getting what she wants. Even when she and Caleb struggled after she went back to Jeremy, she had a light at the end of the tunnel. She’s since confided in me, explaining that she had a plan when she went with Jeremy. She intended to somehow find her way back to Caleb. I have no such strategy. Dalton left, while I’m still here, pining after him.
It’s been eighteen days and nine hours since he left. Not that I’m counting or anything. These last three weeks have been nothing but a serious pull of grief and loss, and it hurts so damn bad. Each time I let my mind go to thoughts of him, I’m flogged anew with deep regret.
I should have heard him out. I should have let him explain this complicated crap with his ex who kept hounding after him.
But no. I didn’t. I was too damn scared of being hurt again, of being left again. This terror isn’t getting me far in life, but I still suffer from that worry that I can feel something so profound for someone and still be at risk of the universe proving to me yet again how easy it is to lose something I love.
And every time I debate with myself and wade through the guilt, I know it’s partly my fault. I was too stubborn, too scared, and now, I’m so very single to eke a way through life solo.
I should have—
My phone rings and I roll my head on the pillow to glare at it.
“I swear, Lauren, if you’re seriously calling me from the first floor again, I’ll scream.” I know I should appreciate her concern, but this is too much.
Let me wallow alone. I deserve that much.
I pick up the device though, curious if it isn’t her, who could be calling. I doubt it’s Dalton. He showed me what he thought of me when he left.
It’s a number I recognize, and I’m glad I didn’t dismiss it.
“Hi, Sherry,” I answer.
“Oh, no. Did you catch a cold? You sound terrible.”
I cringe. No, this is sinus inflammation and a scratchy throat from crying to sleep every night. “Eh, just allergies. How are you?”
“Excited! The board said I’ve got the honors.”
My heart races. She is just one of those people whose enthusiasm is infectious. It even gets to me while I’m in this gloom.
“You’ve got the job, Aubrey! Just like I knew you would!”
I jolt up and sit in bed. “Really?”
“Really! I’m so happy for you, but then again, I knew it. I knew you’d get it.”
“Oh, thanks, Sherry. Thank you. This is good news.” It truly is. Knowing I’ve been given a second chance at my career is a blessing. It seems whatever my former school said wasn’t so bad to prevent me from getting another chance elsewhere. A huge weight has lifted off my shoulders with this boon of good fortune. I wish I could share it with Dalton, but I can’t be picky about my fate.
“Not only that, I’ve got another suggestion for you. I suppose an offer.”
“Not sure what you can offer me that would make this day even better.”
“I spoke with Ms. Henning. She’s paid for her apartment in full for her lease, which would expire next summer. Her sister passed so suddenly, she didn’t even have the time or energy to deal with it. Just up and moved. She went numb, handled business, and hurried to her orphaned niece. Didn’t even think about the apartment she had in town. Just dismissed all those details. Grief can do that to a person.”
Oh, don’t I know it.
“Anyway, the apartment is just sitting there. Fully furnished and right near the school. She asked me to relay this offer to you. It’s already paid for, so why don’t you stay there? Just pay for utilities, no rent. It’s much closer to the school than Marian’s place. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Meadow Lane is a tricky stretch of pavement.”
I laugh. “I’m well aware of how treacherous this road is.” A memory of Dalton speeding past me on it when we both arrived comes to mind, and I tamp it back.
“And when it’s snowing, goodness. You won’t want to drive up and down it every morning.”
I nod, smiling. She’s right, and I can’t pass it up. I tell her as much, then hurry to find Lauren and Marian to share the news.
“Oh, I’ll miss having you here,” Marian says with a pout. She hugs me, though. “Sherry is so right. I’d hate to worry about you driving up and down every day and early in the morning when plow trucks might not be through yet.”
