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CHAPTER 13
SEAN
Astrid must be asleep by the time I get home because when I return, Violet is tucked into her bed and Astrid is gone, nowhere to be found in the common areas. At the very least, she’s asleep, and she meant it when she said she was going home because Violet was tired. But a gnawing part of me thinks that she hid downstairs the moment she heard me come home.
Maybe she does regret kissing me? I thought we were finally on the same page.
I stay awake, lingering in the kitchen, as if she might come upstairs to see me. Or at least get dinner, but she doesn’t. Fuck. I’m not used to this. The last time I seriously tried to date someone was Victoria.
Date. Is that what I’m trying to do here? Am I trying to date Astrid?
I do like her. I like her a lot actually. A whole lot.
I rub a hand over my face. There is no doubt that she’s avoiding me. I’m doing a terrible job at this. I’d probably avoid me too if I lived with someone who constantly tried to attack me and then never communicated after.
Three hours after I get home, I give up, shutting off the kitchen light and retreating to my room. It’s another night of restless sleep. I worry I’ve moved too fast. I replay all that’s happened, trying to figure out where I went wrong, and how I might fix it. If she gives me another chance, that is.
My fears are confirmed when I wake up the next day and Astrid appears to have skipped our run. This isn’t like her. At all. Something must have happened between our kiss and her walking back to the party. But as many times as I turn last night over, I can’t find the place I went wrong. So maybe it’s not about me at all? Maybe something else happened, and she’s not telling me.
That tiny piece of hope keeps me going. That’s got to be it. Something happened.
I cling to it like mantra. It’s what gets me out of the bed and into the kitchen. I’m getting things ready when I hear Astrid’s feet padding down the hall.
“Hey,” I say, unable to hold back my smile. She didn’t skip our run. She wasn’t avoiding me. “I thought you ditched me.” Tension I didn’t realize I held releases from my shoulders.
She yawns as she uses the hair tie from around her wrist to tie back her hair. “I couldn’t sleep last night so I figured I would sleep in.” She rubs her eyes.
For someone who couldn’t sleep well she looks stunning. Her eyes aren’t red rimmed like I saw mine were when I woke up, and her long blonde hair isn’t disheveled either. I wouldn’t know anything was wrong if I hadn’t seen it for myself last night.
“Well, do you still want to go for that run?” I ask. I put on my sweatpants just in case she did. I don’t know why, but I’ve really started to look forward to these mornings together.
“Why do you run with me every day?” she asks, the quiet, soft expression gone from her face and replaced with furrowed brows. She crosses her arms against her chest.
The question takes me aback.
“I just mean…” The words start to trail off. “I’m just your nanny. You don’t have to go out of your way for me. I don’t want to be a burden?—”
I place my hand on her arm. “Astrid, you could never be a burden.” Why would she ever think that?
She sniffles and suddenly I realize that her eyes are clear, not from good sleep, but from what looks like tears, and her soft cheeks are slightly puffier than usual.
“Were you crying?” I ask, concerned. What could’ve made her cry?
She doesn’t respond, and I start to worry that she won’t, leaving me to piece together assumptions that I’m sure will end in my fault, or she denies it out right.
To my surprise, she responds. “Yes,” she says, in a small voice.
“What’s wrong, Astrid, you can tell me.” I rub my hand up and down her arm before tugging at her hand. She uncrosses her arms and lets me take her hand in mine. I lace my fingers with hers and squeeze. I want her to trust me.
She stares at me. “The women last night.”
“What women?” I try to think back. I know a lot of the guys brought their wives, their girlfriends. Maybe a few brought their sisters. But no one I can think of would want to hurt her. They don’t even know her.
“I don’t know, these women. I heard what they were saying.” Her green eyes glow brighter as the tears swell.
I squeeze her hand even tighter. “What, Astrid? What did they say?”
“They saw us together,” she pauses to wipe the tears away with the back of her free hand, “and they were telling each other not to worry because I’m just the nanny.” Now her eyes look mad. “Is this what you do with all the nannies? Is that why you hired me?”
