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Grace was torn. They needed to have this conversation, get it out in the open, but everything was so raw. She pressed her lips against his throat. “I’m glad if I was going to do this that it was with you.”
With that he relaxed a little and circled his arms around her, holding her tighter. His lips grazed the top of her head, lingering. “You should get some sleep.”
“Will you stay?”
There was a long pause before he spoke. “Sure.”
They each took a turn in the bathroom before climbing into her bed, this time under the covers. She wondered if Alexander would put his boxer briefs back on, but he left them on the floor.
Grace rolled over on her side to face him. He noticed. “Do I need to order you to go to sleep?” It was meant to be teasing, but she knew he was doing it to deflect. Why did men always have to run away from feelings?
“No, Sir. I’ll go to sleep.”
When she didn’t move or close her eyes, he raised an eyebrow at her in question. “But?”
“But I wanted to ask you something first.”
He looked wary. “And what’s that?”
“Do you regret our arrangement? Having sex with me?”
“No,” he said. “I don’t regret our arrangement.”
She didn’t miss that he’d only really answered half her question. “And sex?”
Alexander sighed and turned toward her. “It’s complicated. But no, I don’t regret that either.”
“Why is it complicated?” She knew she was pushing and it shocked even her. Normally she wasn’t so brave.
He looked down the length of the bed, and then at Grace. “Do you really want to have this conversation here? Now?”
While she understood the awkwardness of their current position given the topic, she needed to know. “Yes.” She pressed her lips together and met his gaze. “I think we need to. Don’t you?”
Alexander searched her face for a long moment and then nodded. “Maybe we do.”
She fumbled beneath the covers until she found his hand and laced their fingers together. He’d been there for her so many times and it seemed as if he was struggling.
“It didn’t feel right to take pleasure in your body,” he admitted.
Thinking back to their first scene, and then the club, things began to make more sense. “It was okay to give me pleasure but taking it for yourself...”
“I felt guilty as hell.” He paused. “Still do.”
“Why?” He gave her a look that said he couldn’t believe she was asking that question, so she clarified. “I mean we talked about it and you knew me moving on, finding another Dom, was what Kurt wanted. He may not have envisioned it would be you who would be my Dom, but I have to assume he’d be okay with it. You were his friend. He respected you. Trusted you enough to deliver that letter to me.”
“Don’t you see that’s why I feel so guilty?” He must have seen her confusion written plainly on her face. “Kurt trusted me. He trusted me to find you and give you his letter. He didn’t expect me to start fucking his wife.”
If she hadn’t been so used to Kurt’s cursing, Alexander’s words would have bothered her. As it was, Grace realized them for what they were. “Is that what you’re doing? Fucking me?” Using that word felt strange. She could only imagine what it sounded like to him. She never cursed.
He looked at her as if maybe she’d lost her mind, giving they were currently lying in her bed, naked after doing exactly that. “Did you forget about the last two hours?”
“That’s not what I mean.” She brought their hands up and studied the way they were entwined together. “I know what we have isn’t normal or traditional, or whatever, but it’s more than just sex. You’re my Dom and my friend.”
There was something else that flashed in his eyes, and then it was gone. It wasn’t quite the same as before and it was gone before she could analyze it. He scooted closer, drawing their linked hands up to his mouth. “It doesn’t change the fact that what I want to do to you is anything but friendly.”
As he kissed a line down her arm, Grace’s eyes rolled back in her head and she forgot what she was going to say. “Alexander?”
He lunged forward, pushing her onto her back, and pinned her to the mattress. The look in his eyes was heated and her body reacted. “What do you call me while we’re in this bed?”
