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“You know what? Yeah, I do. I need my brother back at my side.”
“Are you forgetting you’re the one who settled down first? It’s been years since we’ve spiraled. And why’s that? Because we have responsibilities now. You’ve always been the first one to remind me of that, and now I’m reminding you that you have Aspen. You have responsibilities, now more than ever.”
“We both know she’s more than capable of holding her own.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this shit.
“She shouldn’t have to, brother. We’re both selfish as fuck, but we both know that our old ladies come first, always. I don’t even think it’s the kid that’s scaring you. You’ve been different since you were locked up…”
He gets up from the edge of the bathtub and crosses the room. He comes straight for me. Before he can say a word or make a threat, cause I see that coming, I say, “I’m not the only one who’s noticed. It’s time we had this out cause you’re on Leo’s radar now, and if he’s pissed, you’re the one he’s gonna focus on. So talk to me.”
“Leave it.”
“Nah, fuck that, I’m the only one you can talk to.”
For the first time in our lives, it hits me that maybe, just maybe, something very fucking bad has happened to my brother. But that can’t be possible. He had Leo, Zach, and Dex watching his back twenty-four-seven.
“Mase, we’re not leaving this room until you open your mouth and talk to me.”
He stumbles back and sits on the end of the bed.
“Myles, you have… you can’t… I…”
I’ve never seen him like this. I cross the room and sit beside him. Perhaps if I’m closer, he’ll feel some sort of safety in my presence.
“I can’t say it… I… look at me and read it, see it in my eyes, but don’t say it out loud. I fuckin’ swear I’ll slit my fuckin’ throat, and Dad won’t be the only one you’ll have to bury.”
We both angle our bodies so I can see his entire face. We haven’t done this in a while, and there hasn’t been a time we’ve been wrong. He’s banking on me reading him, and now I know for certain there’s something to read, I’ll figure it out.
Though I’m staring into his eyes, I can also see his jaw tense, his teeth crushing together. His left eye ticks every three seconds, but I also see rage far beyond simple anger. But rage isn’t the only emotion filling my brother. It takes a minute, but there’s shame. And now I can see it, it’s flooding through him. Guilt. That’s there, too, but it’s the shame I’m stuck on. Why in the fuck would my brother be consumed in shameful pain?
Neither one of us blink as realisation drowns me.
“No!” I barely hear it leave my mouth.
He slams his hand over my mouth. “I fuckin’ beg you, don’t say it… out loud.”
I nod, and his hand drops away. He jumps up from the bed and smashes his fist into the television.
I have questions, so many of them, but all I can do is hold back the tears in silence.
“Now you know.”
“Mase, you should’ve told me long before now.”
“Why? So I can humiliate myself even further than I already have?”
“Are you forgetting who you’re talking to? I don’t find anything you do or what happens to you humiliating. If you had told me, we could’ve gone hunting once the prick was released…”
“They were released last month.”
They?
The confusion shows on my face. He explains, “It was only one. The others held me down.”
I rise from the bed and move to stand in front of him. His first reaction is to turn his head away from me.
I grip his chin and force him to look at me.
