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“This changes nothing…”
“It’s changed everything.”
Shaking my head, I say, “You’re listening to the voice in your head,” I say, tapping at his temple. “I know now, and it changes nothing between us. I see you, brother, the same as I always have.” I’m losing him; I can feel it. He’s never been one for the sentimental crap. I change my approach. “Are you ashamed when you get shot or when you get your ass kicked? No. You get pissed. We’ve been attacked so many times in our lives, and this is no fuckin’ different. We treat it the same as we always do. I know you’ll know the name. When we get home, we’ll bury ourfather, we’ll make sure Mom is looked after, and then we’ll go on a road trip. We won’t return home until we’ve washed away any trace you’ve locked down in your head.”
“You don’t… think less of me?”
“Brother,” I grind out. “There will never be a day when those thoughts enter my head. We’re not untouchable, no matter what Grumps has brainwashed us to believe. You’re only one man, Mase. No matter how much we think we can, we can’t take on numbers alone.”
He throws his arms around me, and I hold him back. I squeeze him so fucking tight, I imagine crushing the guy who’s now all I can focus on. His blood, his limbs being hacked off, his lifeless eyes staring up at us moments after he takes his last breath.
“I won’t lose you because of this. I won’t.”
I slap his back, and he pulls away. I don’t mention the tears rolling down his face.
Wordlessly, he walks into the bathroom, closing himself in. I stumble back onto the bed and release a long breath.
Curling my fingers into tight fists, my mind races with everything we’re gonna do to this dead-prick-walking. Relaxing my fists, I slide my hands down my thighs repeatedly and rock back and forth.
The patch gives us strength, just having it sewn onto our leather, not just physically but also mentally. Mason’s vulnerability is something we’ve never had to deal with before. What the fuck do I say? Have I already fucked up saying the wrong thing? All this second-guessing has me jumping to my feet, needing to move about.
No. I know my brother. I know what he needs and how to be around him. I don’t care if this is a secret he wants to take the grave and keep from the club, I will ride it out with him.
I turn the main light on, hoping to fade out the dark atmosphere in the room. It most likely won’t, but I do it anyway.
The bathroom door opens, and without looking his way, I say, “I’m calling out for pizza. We need to eat.”
“Sure, I could eat. These pain meds are strong.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
He drops down on his bed, as I stand by the window.
“Have you thought about talking to Leo? He might not be so tough on you if he knows what went down?”
“No. He’ll blame himself, which was on me because of my actions. Him, Aspen, they can never know.”
“What are you gonna do about her? You can’t lose her, she’s your life, Mase.”
“It’s always gonna be between us, 'cause I won’t ever tell her.”
“Have you considered not telling her the details but just telling her that, yes, something happened, but she has to trust that you’ll never tell her, but you’re dealing with it, and in time, you’ll find your way?”
“I swore I’d never lie to her.”
“You wouldn’t be. She’d know something went down, but she’d never know what. It could free you, brother, and you could have your own family.”
The silence drags on until he says, “You calling for pizza or not? I’m tired.”
Chapter Twelve
Pope
My boys are alive and are on their way home to their mother and their families. Like I fucking knew they would. You can take them, you can beat them, you can fucking shoot them, yet my boys will always come home.
The pain hasn’t returned in a while, and while I worry it was something as petty as anxiety pain, I feel different. Something is wrong with me, and death has never been so close. I’ve come to learn that waiting is something I’m not good at.
I’ve had a long life full of precious moments. I haven’t deserved a single one of them, but being the selfish prick I am, I’ve locked them down in my heart and treasured them. I’m a lucky bastard, and so are my boys.
