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Ayden nods but doesn’t look convinced. I wonder whether he thinks I’m not up to defending myself against these people or if maybe he knows more.
“The judge will be someone from the Council,” he continues. “I don’t know if it’s already been decided who. And I couldn’t find out much about the ritual itself. All I know is that the judge will read out some ancient text that sets everything in motion.”
“And then I experience hallucinations, which Mr. Brian’s notes suggest aren’t hallucinations at all.”
Ayden hesitates. “I have no idea what he meant by theat. This Elliot study doesn’t ring any bells. But I’ll try to find out more about it.” He turns to face me, looks me in the eye, and I can see the chaos of emotions in his face. “The Council wants to test you, but they’d never let anything happen to you. Don’t forget that. You’re far too important with your gift for them to risk losing you.”
I guess he’s right about that, but the passages that I photographed tell a different story. “What if something happens during this ritual that lands me in serious trouble? I can’t necessarily rely on the Council to step in and help me.”
“And you shouldn’t,” Ayden mutters. His eyes linger on me and I’m not sure if he’s moved a little closer. “It’s never a good idea to rely on others. You need to have faith in yourself. Ultimately, this is about testing your strength and how much you can control your gift. There’s no way of knowing when the Council will end the session. But you should keep in mind that they won’t let you get seriously hurt.”
I nod and stare into Ayden’s green eyes, which are still looking at me attentively. There’s that tingling sensation inside me again – and electricity in the air between us. Now I’m almost certain that he’s moved closer to me. Or did I move toward him? His breath on my skin makes me feel hot. I wish I could lean forward a tiny bit more and close the gap between us.
“You can do this,” he continues quietly. “And if you need help, I’m here for you.”
His hand wanders toward me, reaching out, and I look at it wide-eyed. I miss him so much. In this moment, I get the sense that he feels the same. I long for his touch, for his fingertips on my skin. And right now, I don’t want to think about where it could lead if we overstep that line. I don’t care. I just want… Yeah, what do I actually want? Him?
I see Ayden’s chest heave, and he touches my hair. Soon he’ll lower his hand and touch my skin. I suck in air… and at that moment, my phone rings.
Ayden and I snap out of our trance and stare at each other. I’m so beside myself that at first, I don’t even reach for my phone. Ayden finds his way back to reality faster. He hands me my phone and smiles sadly.
“You should answer that,” is all he says.
I only need to glance at the display to see Noah’s name. Did Ayden see it too? I don’t know, but he stands up as I answer it.
“Hey,” I say into the phone, watching Ayden head for the door.
He turns around, gives me one of those smiles that pierce my heart, and his lips silently form the words, “Take care.”
Part of me wants to jump up and stop him from leaving. But I know that’s a bad idea. I can’t. I was with Noah not long ago, and there’s no way I can get involved with Ayden again. I feel so confused and torn… What’s wrong with me? This isn’t me!
“Noah, what’s up?” I ask, trying to focus on his voice. His call must have something to do with the search for the library. Maybe we can finally devote our attention to this problem again. Although I have to admit the timing’s not ideal. And I also wonder why I haven’t heard from him in so long.
“Sorry for not replying straight away,” he says. “I’ve had a lot on my plate.” He sounds tired and kind of resigned. This is not the Noah I know.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he says but doesn’t sound sincere. “Are you free tonight? You could show me the comb and tell me about your idea.”
I don’t need think about it for long, because we have to continue our search for the library. So I say yes, and we agree on a time and place to meet. Meanwhile, I examine the comb again. Are we close to revealing its mystery?
Chapter 11
Noah and I meet near a fast-food restaurant, and as soon as we’ve greeted one another, we start walking. I notice immediately that he’s not in a good space. He doesn’t just seem tired – his face looks gray, careworn. There’s no trace of his usual carefree, cheerful character.
“How are you?” I ask, although I already know the answer. “Is Frances’ family still giving you grief?”
He lets out a short dry laugh. “The story they spun about Frances’ death has cast me in a pretty bad light. Right now I’m in my parents’ bad books, and this all reinforces their concerns about me. They figure I need to be kept on the straight and narrow until I show that I can take my duties seriously and start performing. So I’ve been given a mountain of work to do, and I’m being closely monitored and evaluated. Like some little kid.” He shakes his head angrily. “And on top of that, I’m held partly responsible for Frances’ death.” He lowers his voice slightly. “Some of the Assembly members are taking out their anger on me. Because although what actually happened isn’t what they think, it’s true that I’m partly to blame for things going as far as they did.”
I stop walking and look at Noah in dismay. My hand automatically goes to his shoulder, but he flinches and recoils slightly. There’s this strange sparkle in his eyes, and I think I see a trace of longing. But that disappears quickly, and then all I see is profound grief.
“It’s not your fault, but I get that you see it differently and that me saying that doesn’t give you much comfort. When Ty died, I blamed myself and kept wondering what I could have done differently. If only I had been stronger – I couldn’t shake that thought. And I’m sure you keep asking yourself what you could have done differently to prevent Frances’ death. But thinking like that doesn’t help. It just gnaws at you and consumes you.”
“I could have prevented it,” he says quietly. “I should have been there for her and then things wouldn’t have gotten so bad for her.”
I look him in the eye and venture an encouraging smile. “Do you really believe that? You know what Frances was like. You could never have kept her away from her brother. She would have always gone back to him.”
“I went to see him,” Noah continues, staring at the pavement in front of his feet. “I wanted to talk to him and tell him what became of his sister because of him.”
