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The thought of that is enough to make me straighten up and send Yoru more odeon. I try to shape his attack with the intensity and duration of my odeon impulse. But that’s not easy, because what I have in mind is a gigantic wave of fire that I hope will sweep any opponent off their feet. I need an inferno – a hellish onslaught of fire and heat that will silence our opponents in one fell swoop.
I know that to do this, I have to take myself to the limit, close to the point where I could turn into one of the fallen. And that makes me hesitate. I’d have to partially merge with Yoru, which student’s aren’t supposed to do. That’s why I’ve been training here alone every afternoon for the last week. This time, Kate stayed with me until she realized that I could probably concentrate better with nobody watching.
For the attack, I’m practicing; I need to become the kind of supernatural creature that I’ve witnessed Ayden and Noah transforming into. I think of those unearthly figures with awe and wonder whether I can actually do it. Especially since I have no instructions, no guidance, and this fear in the pit of my stomach that I could go too far.
I shake off that thought. Fear is the one thing I can’t afford to indulge right now. So I send Yoru more odeon and launch my attack. My little fox sprints off and spits this immense flame out of his mouth, and I feel all the strength drain out of me, almost falling to the floor with exhaustion. I gasp for air and try to stay on my feet.
“You should take a break,” I hear a voice say.
Ayden’s standing in the doorway, watching me. I don’t know how long he’s been there, nor can I interpret the emotions in his expression. Irritation? Concern? I haven’t spoken to him since he helped me by distracting Mr. Brian. I keep wondering whether to show him the books. I came close to doing so several times. But in the end, I couldn’t. I don’t want to drag him into this. He should be allowed to get on with his life without constantly running to my aid.
“I’m running out of time,” I reply. “The test could happen tomorrow.”
“It won’t help if you’re on the verge of exhaustion.”
I huff loudly, knowing he’s right.
“You need to ration your energy,” he says. “Yoru doesn’t look like he can stay on his feet much longer either.”
“I need to make progress,” I retort, thinking of the book excerpts that I’ve reread almost every day for the last week. I haven’t gleaned anything new from them. But one thing is clear: it’s going to be an unbelievably difficult fight, one I can’t afford lose. “Do you have any idea what it would mean for me to have to move out of school and land in the hands of the Fabricis? They’ll watch my every move and control my life. To them I’m just an object they can exploit for their own agenda.”
“It won’t come to that,” Ayden says, looking me in the eye.
I gulp when I feel his eyes on me. Even from this distance I can see their deep green and feel the attraction they exert on me.
“I tried to find out more about the test,” he goes on, and I look up in surprise. “But I didn’t turn up anything useful.”
I hesitate, unsure how to react. Maybe it’s time to tell him about the content of the books. But the fact that he’s not asking suggests that, like me, he’s trying to maintain a certain distance between us. Still, I have to ask him what he found. He said didn’t find anything useful, but even the slightest detail may help me out of a tight situation.
Eventually, I throw caution to the wind and say, “Maybe you should read the passages I photographed from those books. You might notice something I missed.”
I see the hesitation in his eyes, but then he nods. We leave the gym together, and I go to the locker room where I quickly shower and dress. I spend this time thinking about where to go with him. Where would we have enough privacy?
It doesn’t take me long to answer that. We can’t speak openly in the library or common rooms. Someone might overhear us. When I step out into the corridor, Ayden’s leaning against the wall with his arms folded, waiting for me. The moment I step through the door, he turns to face me. He looks at me expectantly, and I’m not sure if similar thoughts have been going through his head or if he only cares about getting some answers.
“You want to… go to my room?” I suggest. “I can’t think of anywhere else where we can talk undisturbed.”
He hesitates a few seconds and then nods. “Sure, let’s go.”
We’re silent all the way, and the atmosphere is tense. I try to focus my thoughts on the excerpts that I want to show Ayden rather than the issues between us.
We arrive at my room, and I unlock the door and go to my desk. I pull up another chair so he can sit beside me and take out my phone. Suddenly, I’m painfully aware of how small the display is – Ayden has to lean in really close to see anything. His scent envelops me, like an enticing song calling to me. The memories come flooding back. I remember vividly the way I used to nestle up to him, pressing myself into the hollows of his throat to savor his delicious smell. The incomparable scent of his skin, the way it felt…
I quickly hand him the phone and scoot away from him slightly in my chair. Ayden doesn’t seem to read anything into this gesture – I’m not sure he even notices it. He’s absorbed in the photographed texts, reading them through one after another. His expression is serious and dark. I don’t want to stare at him, so I gaze around my room with a pounding heart and wait.
Ayden eventually puts down the phone. When I turn to look at him, his expression is withdrawn and moodier than I’ve seen him it a while.
“There are some things in there that I didn’t know about,” he says eventually, glancing thoughtfully at the phone again.
“It’s a lot of information,” I admit. “But I can’t make sense of most of it. What are these energy fluctuations? Who are the ambassadors? It says that they’re specially trained for this test, but I don’t understand who those people are. And what about the judge? And this weird summons?” I shudder when I think of it. “That sounds like the worst part of the whole thing.”
Ayden says nothing, maybe because he doesn’t want to scare me. He seems to be carefully weighing his words and finally he says, “Supposedly, there was this group of people back in the day who were close confidants of the goddesses. They had to be merciless and act without conscience, and they were powerful, with really talented key spirits. The group reformed soon after the Tempes attacked the goddesses, and they left the temple. They were elite warriors. They don’t exist anymore. One thing I was able to find out is that you’ll be tested by highly trained hunters.”
This fills me with a sense of relief because the idea of having to fight some kind of spooky supernatural beings is way worse.
“But don’t be lulled into a false sense of security. They’re really powerful, and they’ll show no mercy. And there’ll be more than five of them. Mr. Brian mentions that in one of his notes here.”
“Okay,” I say. “That’s not great news. But better than that scary elite troop you mentioned. I can train and keep working hard to improve. Then at least I’ll have some kind of chance.”
