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Aunt Fred smiles at my words. Admiring her happy face, I imagine how she must have seemed to an angry boy like Bear back when they met. Siobhan has told me stories about how scary her brother was when he showed up at the farm.
“Fucking psycho,” she once drunkenly stated before adding, “Hot though. Even as a little girl, I could tell he had it going on in the looks department.”
Though all grown up, Bear remains scary. I often believe my affections are capable of soothing the beast inside him. So far, though, I’ve never proven that theory correct.
“I made such beauties,” Siobhan says when Kiera and Deirdre spin around in their flower girl dresses.
Knowing she’s getting a dress like her new friends, Jacinda jumps up and down. She’s too excited to even speak.
A confused Hector asks me, “I have dress too?”
“No, baby, you’re going to wear little suits like Laszlo and your new friends, Hudson and Hicks.”
Hector isn’t so sure about Carys’s sons—eight and six with longish brown hair and intense blue eyes. With their size and rowdy energy, the boys intimidate him. Though I earlier made a big deal out of how they all have names starting with “H,” my baby wasn’t impressed.
“I want a dress,” he says and starts crying.
Jacinda goes from bouncing and laughing to panicking over her brother’s tears.
“Hello,” Aunt Fred says, kneeling next to Hector. “I know these dresses are pretty, but I have something special for you to wear.”
Hector looks at her smiling face and calms down immediately. He still glances sadly at the twins in their pale pink dresses splashed with red flowers.
“Bear is in a special club,” Aunt Fred tells Hector who reaches out and touches her bouncing curls. “All the men in his club where a leather vest with special words on it.”
Aunt Fred shows him a picture of Bear standing with several club brothers next to their motorcycles. She points at the vests.
“Bear’s going to be your daddy now. You know that, right?”
Hector looks at me and then back at Aunt Fred. “Bear hold me. I have room at his house.”
“Yes, he’s going to take care of you. As the son of a member, I think you should wear this special vest to the wedding.”
Aunt Fred gently frees a small vest from her bag and shows Hector the words on the back.
“You’re going to be a Backcountry King just like your dad.”
“Dad?” Hector asks, nervous as his thoughts turn to Andrew.
“Bear is your tatínek,” I say, using the Czech word for dad. “Dad is gone.”
I ask Hector if he wants to try on the vest. My son hesitates, likely thinking the dresses are more fun than a vest. Yet, like his new father, my baby wants to please Aunt Fred. She takes him to a mirror so he can see himself and then look at the picture of the men.
“Bear loves his vest,” Aunt Fred tells my baby while I linger close by. “He wanted it so badly when he was young. I know he’ll like seeing you wearing it.”
Hector decides he wants to be like Bear. He growls at Jacinda who grew teary-eyed when he got upset. She growls at him and runs over.
“Bear is my tatínek,” Jacinda tells Aunt Fred. “He got two cats,” she explains and lifts two little fingers.
Watching Aunt Fred ease their fears, I recall how she’s always around those large men at the farm. When I used to visit Siobhan, I’d get intimidated by the bikers’ wild nature. Even Siobhan and Carys felt overwhelmed from time to time. Meanwhile, Aunt Fred always seemed relaxed around the roughhousing boys and young men.
Or perhaps, Aunt Fred is like my mother, who hides her fear and sorrow. Right now, Katja’s mood is difficult to pinpoint. She watches Hector whisper to Jacinda. As the kids share their secrets, my mother looks at me. I instantly move toward her.
“All the dresses are beautiful,” I say, seeking her approval after pretending for two years how I didn’t crave it. “How do I choose?”
What I’m really asking is what dress would please her and the family. Most of the people at the wedding will be Syndicate business contacts and allies.
My mother brushes hair from my shoulders and looks at the current dress. “You wanted to be a princess when you were a little girl,” she says and then smirks. “When you weren’t insistent on becoming a pirate or a superhero.”
