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I inch closer, barely able to hide my excitement over her attention on me.
“I think the first dress made you look like a princess. You also seemed happiest when you wore it,” she says and glances at Jacinda and Hector. “They liked it best, too. And I very much believe your biker will find the dress appealing.”
Hugging my mom, I try to picture myself walking down the aisle toward Bear. My father will be at my side. I see the kids in their little outfits. My dreams feel within reach.
Yet, Bear’s paranoia from the other night has infected me. I woke up this morning certain something bad was coming. I know logically how Bear tends to focus on the negative. I’m the opposite. It’s my job to be the voice of reason when he gets stuck in his head.
“Everything is very quick,” Katja whispers in my ear. “You’ve had no time to catch your breath.”
“Were you nervous when you married Tatínek?”
My mother smiles softly. “Yes, Viktor was very intimidating. So serious. He never smiled until our wedding night.”
Seeing something on my face, Katja leans in and whispers, “I have loved your tatínek for a very long time. I don’t remember when the feelings happened because they seem to have always been there. I’m more fortunate than most of my siblings.”
Our gazes flash to Petra who dances around with Carys to a Reba McEntire song. My sister tried her hardest to love Brandon Arany. When I traveled to Cincinnati to take care of her while she was on bedrest, Petra swore her husband had qualities. However, she never shared what they might be.
“Guilt is overrated,” Katja tells me as if knowing I feel bad for winning a man like Bear O’Malley while my sister ended up with a dud. “Life offers only what you’re willing to claim, Natasha. Focus on what you can control rather than the world’s inadequacies.”
Smiling at how my mom wraps me up in her wisdom and affection, I ask if she’ll help me try on the dress again. Though it’s the one I want, I still need her to see me in it and approve. I’m feeling a little lost today and afraid to make the wrong choice.
In a month, though, none of today’s anxiety will matter. Whatever dress I choose will be in a closet. The kids will be settling in their new home. Siobhan will be my neighbor. Petra will be closer to freedom. Bear will have his prize, and I’ll get to keep my biker. And the Kovak Syndicate will have publicly cemented their alliance with the Backcountry Kings.
BEAR
The cats scatter when my alarm goes off at six a.m., just after the sun is up. I climb out of bed and realize I’m already in a bad mood. The feeling lingers after the crews arrive to install the playset and paint the kids’ rooms. My family room is already filled with crap delivered yesterday for Jacinda and Hector.
The only thing to break my bad mood is a morning photo from Natasha. She usually sends me a message at night and a picture during the day. This one is a selfie with her and the kids cuddled in bed. When I look at them together, I feel left out. Even when I imagine them here, I assume I’ll be off to the side.
Worried something will go wrong with today’s work, I invited Sync—and his “dad brain”—to the house to help me supervise the changes. Carys decided to send Pork Chop to help, too. Somehow, this led to Golden, Indigo, Tack, and Claw showing up. The house is full of useless muscle by the time Noble and Zoot arrive.
“I have something to say,” my president announces as he walks through the door.
Then, Zoot goes silent and strolls to where the kids’ future bedroom is painted a pale blue. He doesn’t ask why I paid a team of painters rather than have the guys come help me. We all remember the painting party debacle at Claw’s house five years ago. They had to pull up brand-new carpet ruined by paint knocked over in a wrestling match.
“You fucked up my house,” Claw reminds Pork Chop.
The two men are a half a foot apart, height-wise. Pork Chop peers down at Claw.
“You shouldn’t have served beer until we were finished,” Pork Chop mutters, tugging at Claw’s long, blond ponytail before adding, “And who adds new carpet before painting? Backwards bullshit right there.”
Claw’s brown eyes glare at Pork Chop who just chuckles. Golden finds the men’s battle hilarious, making me wonder if they got hammered before coming over.
“I had one of these,” Noble says, squatting next to a still plastic-wrapped Cookie Monster chair. “Crazy how kids today still watch the stuff we did back as little shits.”
Ignoring how Zoot frowns at him, Noble stands up and smiles at his brother. “You had a Big Bird blanket.”
“Don’t try to make me sentimental,” Zoot sneers. “Won’t happen.”
“You cuddled with it every night,” Noble taunts. “Little fucking bitch that you were.”
Zoot tries to slap his brother who dodges the strike. I watch them and wonder why the fuck they’re here.
“We’re here to supervise,” Noble replies when I voice my question out loud. “Also, we were curious.”
“About what?”
Zoot spits out, “How are you going to take in another man’s kids?”
