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“Sure,” she says, kissing me before wiggling free of my grip. “I’ll organize what needs to be done.”
“When?” I ask, trying to return her to the chair, where I can keep her trapped.
Natasha sidesteps my hands and whispers in my ear, “You’re coming off desperate. Maybe play a little harder to get.”
Before I can complain, she kisses me and adds, “I’ll miss you.”
Then, Natasha is gone. She hugs her friends goodbye before her security team ushers her out the door. I frown at how little power I have when it comes to my relationship with Natasha.
“I’ll supervise the stuff for the kids’ rooms,” Siobhan tells me when I sulk.
“They need a playset.”
“Okay, and I’ll get that organized with Natasha,” Siobhan says, sliding over into the seat her friend once kept warm. “Do you know what the kids like?”
“They think they’re Muppets,” I tell her, feeling lost now with Natasha on her way back to the mansion.
Siobhan ignores the people around us and stares in my eyes until I focus on her. “Natasha’s really excited to marry you.”
“We barely got to talk tonight,” I admit, regretting how everything went down. “I can’t chill the fuck out when she’s around. I say the wrong shit. I’m going to fuck things up.”
“Bear, I love you, but I think you’re looking for reasons to mess this thing up.”
Leaning closer, I mutter, “Losing her hurt more than I thought possible. I can’t do it again.”
Her soft smile makes me feel like I’m looking at Aunt Fred. “Just keep your eye on the prize and stop assuming the worst.”
Nodding, I know Siobhan is right, but my nature is to focus on the negative. Being naïve or idealistic never clicked for me.
Except with my negative assumptions about Aunt Fred and the farm, I’ve rarely been wrong, either.
For Natasha, I’ll go ahead and pretend I believe she’ll be mine one day. Yet, no matter how many times I say the words in my head, I prepare for that dream to slip through my fingers again.
NATASHA
My entourage swallows up the reserved bridal shop. Katja has her staff with us. Petra and I also bring nannies to keep the kids busy in between their fittings. Hunter, Siobhan, and Carys arrive soon after. The O’Malley sisters bring their kids.
Despite the fun atmosphere, Jacinda and Hector mostly follow me around. They’ve been clingy since I was out late.
Feeling overwhelmed, I decide to settle on a bridesmaid dress first. Bear and I both like red, so I choose ruby for the dress color.
As for the style, I need something flattering for everyone, especially Carys who will be nearly seven months pregnant at the wedding.
We locate an empire-waist dress with flowy layers to flatter her belly while also looking good on the other women.
Once I check the bridesmaid dress off my list, I need to face the biggest task and choose a suitable dress for myself.
“Mommy,” Jacinda coos when I show off a column-style wedding dress with a petal design across my chest.
Her brother whispers, “Princess.”
That’s when I know I’ve found the right dress. However, Siobhan and Hunter aren’t so certain. Refusing to let me to settle on the first one I like, they insist I try on a dozen more. In my heart, though, I know the dress capable of making my babies glow with awe is the right one.
Arriving thirty minutes after her daughters, Aunt Fred surprises me with a long hug. “Take care of Bear,” she whispers. “His heart is defenseless when it comes to you.”
Her words dig deep inside me. I feel like I should apologize for hurting him by leaving. Except Ollie’s death mattered. And if I stayed, I wouldn’t have met my babies. Would they even be alive now? The level of disinterest in their well-being would have likely led to an accidental death for one or both of them.
“Bear owns my heart,” I tell her rather than apologize for my past. “I need him to be happy for me to be happy.”
