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As we move back into closed guard position, I take a deep breath. As much as I hate this… I am getting to work on the skills I’ve been wanting to tighten up.
I just hate that I need to learn it from Ty.
EIGHT
It’s minute four of a five-minute round, and everyone is standing around us cheering.
Luca manages to pass my guard and maintain side control for three seconds, meaning he’s up three points on me. And that pisses me the fuck off. Just an hour ago, he wasn’t even able to break my closed guard.
But as I control his back by getting my feet between his thighs, I know I can manipulate his movement with my hooks in. And I do. And I add my four points to the tally in my head.
Everyone is calling out their encouragements, but I block it out. No distractions. I need to win this.
Max calls out, “Thirty seconds!” and before I can make a plan to keep my lead, Luca is shuffling to spin out of my control. My attempts to maintain back control fail as the fucker is too fast, and he manages to move into top position, right as Max calls time.
Luca is straddling me as the round ends, and we both whip our heads to Max.
Max smiles down at us. “Luca wins by one point with an advantage.”
“Yeah!” Luca smacks two hands on my chest and jumps up with a huge smile.
I blow out a breath and push to my feet, squeezing my fists at my side. For fuck’s sake. He wins by a fucking advantage point. Yeah, sure he managed to get into a point scoring position, but he didn’t maintain the control. And guaranteed if time wasn’t up, I would have swept him.
But I let myself get distracted. By him. I’m so pissed at him being here that I’m letting it get to me, and I wasn’t as focused as I should have been.
“That’s it for today,” Max calls out and I grab my towel from the bench to wipe my face.
Luca celebrates his win behind me, with happy chatter from his new best friends.
Thank fuck we’re done.
I head into the locker room, grabbing a new towel and making my way to the showers. As I step under the warm spray, I lower my head and let the water run over me. Letting it wash away my failures and help me reset, ready to start again tomorrow.
But Luca keeps pushing his way back into my thoughts.
It’s so fucking easy for him. As much as it pains me to say, he’s a natural fighter. He feels everything and moves so quickly and effortlessly… even in his areas of weakness, like grappling.
While I approach the fight with thought and planning, he appears to go into it with minimal effort and fights off instinct alone. And I’m beyond fucking pissed off that today, working in my area of expertise, this worked for him. In all of our fights, over the past several years, I’ve always had the leg up on him on the ground. But now, if he actually starts to use his head and focus on his techniques…
I rub my hands over my face, and grab my shampoo. I’m here to improve myself in my fighting. I need to stop worrying about him. My fucking teammate.
Stay focused.
As I finish my shower and shut off the water, I expect everyone to have left. I stayed in here long enough, hoping that would be the case. But I hear some laughter in the locker room, and I sigh.
I don’t move, as I simply stand here in the shower stall, the cool air nipping at my wet skin while I listen to the happy voices.
I remember when I used to feel like that. I’d laugh, and joke around with my brother and his friends, when I barely had a care in the world. Life was great, and having fun was all that mattered.
I certainly learned my lesson.
But I can’t help the feeling that creeps in. The one I haven’t felt in a long time. A pressure in my heart and stomach, followed by the knocking of some locked away thoughts begging to come out.
But they’re going to stay there.
I’ve made my choice, and I have a plan. Being a part of whatever it is out there, isn’t it. I wouldn’t be here in this gym if I gave into every whim, and strayed from my path.
Maybe once I reach my goal I can give in a little bit…
