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Luca just continues to stare at me and eventually opens his arms wide, making a theatrical show of looking around us. “Then what the fuck are you doing out here!?”
“Like I said,” I sigh, “thinking.”
His arms drop dramatically to his sides. “About?”
“You, mostly.”
He sighs and closes his eyes. “You have got to get to the fucking point here.”
I observe him for a moment as he opens his eyes again. “I was scared.”
His features soften and he nods slightly.
“I was scared of losing MMA, and had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that it could happen. You know what it means to me. And I was scared of what would happen to me if I didn’t have it… I was scared of going back to my old life of drugs and bad decisions.” I take in a breath, and exhale. “And I was scared of losing you because of it.”
His brows draw together. “So you push me away. Sounds like a logical plan.”
“It wasn’t.” I shake my head. “I was an asshole. I was afraid, so I pushed everything away thinking it would somehow be easier… for me and you.”
“That’s not your call to make,” Luca says, an edge to his voice again. “You don’t get to make those decisions alone.”
“I know.” I nod, hating the hurt in his voice.
“You don’t get to just throw me away when you’re done, or when I’m too much for you.” He pauses for a moment. “Or not enough.”
It feels like a knife stabs my chest, as I realize what he’s saying. How he’s feeling.
And now I feel even worse.
I shake my head. “That’s not what I was doing. And… I’m sorry. I…” I sigh, “I don’t know how to do this. How to be with someone. But, I do want to. I want to be with you.”
Luca doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He chews his lip and exhales.
“Did you… fall into your trap?”
I sigh with a nod. “Yes.”
His eyes widen. “Ty…”
But I smile, and confusion takes over his features. I step into him, sliding a hand around his waist. “I’ve been high since I moved here. You’re one hell of a drug, Mitchell.”
His eyebrows raise slightly, and his eyes flick between mine. But before he can say anything, I capture his lips with mine.
He lifts his hands to the side of my face, pulling me closer. I kiss him with a fierce need. A need to never let him go, and to find my comfort with him. It’s more than just a kiss. It’s an apology for what I’ve put him through, and a thank you for staying with me. And a promise to continue fighting… for him, not against him.
He suddenly pushes me back, glaring at me.
“Don’t ever fucking do any of that shit again.”
I huff out a breath of amusement. “Fine.”
He cocks an eyebrow, and I see a small smile tugging at his lips. “Fine.”
I smile and tilt my head to the hood of my car.
He smirks slightly as he shakes his head, but he climbs up. I join him, laying on my back beside him, with my arm under my head.
We stay quiet, looking up at the stars and the moon, our breath visible before us in the cold winter air.
