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I allow them to guide me to my feet and into the chapel, their presence offering solace and strength. The flickering candlelight casts ethereal shadows across the worn wooden pews and stained glass windows. It feels sacred, as if this place were meant solely for us.
Together, we sit in silence, our breathing synchronised like a melody of heartbeats. No words are needed – our souls are speaking in a language beyond words. In this quiet communion, a sense of peace washes over me, a balm for my fractured heart. The weight of grief and loneliness begins to lift as I realise that I am not alone in this journey of healing. They never really left me. They’ll always be with me.
I stare at the stained glass window without seeing it for so long, until eventually, as the first rays of dawn break through, bathing the chapel in a soft glow, my brain begins to realise what it is I’m looking at.
The window behind the altar is arched and made up of a circle at the top with two smaller arches side by side below, which are each broken into two. The colours are rich purples, dusky pinks and strong blues. The colours alone are breathtakingly beautiful, but within the sphere, a brown glass doe gazes down on us surrounded by peony flowers. It’s…perfect.
Each of the four oblong panes below the doe have white vertical pieces of glass that I thought were random until now. Now, with the light shining through I can see that they each spell out a word: Father, Son, Spirit, Doe.
The hours pass by like fleeting moments, and a whisper of a plan begins to form in my mind. The boys may have returned to me, but their physical bodies are gone. And so, I am left with the task of honouring their memory, of finding closure amidst the chaos.
With newfound determination, I stand up and turn to face Axel, Kaiden, and Zie. Their eyes meet mine, brimming with unwavering support.
“I will create something beautiful,” I say, my voice steady despite the remnants of sorrow lingering within. “A celebration of your lives, a farewell that you deserve.”
Axel’s brows furrow slightly,“What are you talking about, my love?”
I smile, feeling a flicker of acceptance amidst the sombre atmosphere. “I’ll gather everyone who loved you – our friends, our chosen family. I’ll create a memorial service that encapsulates your essence. Here in our chapel. A day of remembrance filled with laughter and tears, where we can share stories and celebrate the impact that you had on all our lives.”
The boys exchange glances before shaking their heads in unison.
“What?” I ask.
“Babygirl, there can’t be any memorial service, because we aren’t really dead,”Kaiden tells me gently, like he’s afraid his words will break me or send me over the edge.
“I don’t understand.”
Zie grabs my hand and holds it against his chest. He’s warm and his heartbeat is strong. Unwavering.“You feel that? We’re real. I don’t know how else to convince you.”
My heart skips a beat, mirroring the rhythm of his own. Confusion and disbelief swirl within me, mingling with a flicker of hope that dares to ignite. How could it be? I mourned their loss, grieved over their absence for what felt like an eternity. Thepain had etched itself into the very core of my being, leaving behind scars that I believed would never heal.
Tears well in my eyes as a mixture of emotions threaten to overwhelm me. The love I have for them, tangled with the pain of their absence, surges through my veins like a tempestuous storm. And yet, here they are, standing before me, their faces so achingly familiar.
Without hesitation, I reach out and touch Kaiden’s cheek, tracing the contours of his face as if ensuring that he’s truly real. His skin is warm beneath my fingertips, every line and crease etched into memory. But my imagination has always been good, and I know these boys better than I know the back of my own hand.
Axel grabs my cheeks and turns my focus to him. Inside, I smile.Of course my imagination would remember him like this. Intense, domineering, demanding my full attention.
“Peony,”he groans.“I’m real. This is real. I told you…I said, I’d meet you at the graveyard. We’ve been waiting for you, my love. We’re not going anywhere.”
I shake my head, still unable to grasp the inexplicable. I watched him die. Lou told me she saw Kaiden and Zie die too. Her sadness for me was real. She wasn’t faking it.
With a growl of frustration that is so completely Axel, he crashes his lips against mine and claims me with a brutal kiss. I cling to him, to the memory of the taste of him and refuse to let go of this perfect bittersweet moment.
Time seems to stand still as Axel’s lips meld with mine, an intensity radiating between us that defies all logic. I surrender myself completely to the kiss, allowing his passion to consume me, to wash away any lingering doubts or questions.
When we finally break apart, breathless and desperate for air, I find myself staring into his eyes. They hold a depth of emotion that I could never mistake for anything but genuine.Tears well in my eyes once more, but this time they are tears of overwhelming joy.
“You’re here,” I say, my voice barely audible. “You’re really here.”
Axel nods, his thumb gently wiping away the tear that trails down my cheek. “We never wanted to leave you,” he says softly. “But circumstances forced our hand. It was the only way to keep you safe.”
Confusion swirls within me once again. “But... how?” I ask, my voice trembling. “How can you be alive? Did I imagine everything?”
Zie steps forward, taking my hand in his. The scratch of his thumbnail against the palm of my hand like he used to do when we were kids sends shivers down my spine. I’d forgotten he used to do that. So this has to be real. “It’s a long story, Peony,” he says, his voice filled with tenderness. “One that we’ll explain in due time. But for now, all that matters is that we are here with you, and we are not going anywhere ever again.”
He kisses me sweetly, an apology with a lingering longing for more, which I grant him. Now that I’m willing to accept the truth, to allow myself to believe and be happy, I don’t want to ever stop kissing and touching and holding them.
Kaiden joins us, wrapping his arms around me in a gentle embrace. “We’ve missed you so much,” he murmurs against my hair, before kissing my forehead. “Waiting for you to come to us was torture.”
