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Breaking her heart had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. And the easiest. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her safe. Which is why he was so fucking angry with himself now. Every moment he was near brought her closer to danger.
He scrubbed his hand over his face. He needed to get his act together. Reaching into his back pocket, he withdrew the tourist map he’d grabbed at the airport. Jetlag was probably still contributing to his foggy brain. Sunlight and food were what he needed, and escape from the bitter cold. According to the map, he wasn’t far from Holland Park, Kensington Palace or even Hyde Park. But he wasn’t here to be a tourist. He headed back to the underground, deciding to check out Shepherd’s Bush one more time.
Sarah lived in a shared flat in Shephard’s Bush. It was convenient to the city and less expensive than many of the other suburbs, according to Wikipedia. He also knew there was a public park next to the underground station. He could grab some food and soak up the winter sunlight, then scope out the place Sarah called home. He just needed to know that she was living somewhere safe.
At least, that’s what he told himself.
Cafes and fast-foodshops lined either side of Shepherd’s Bush Green. Alex took the same direction as the traffic, deciding on a sandwich and Coke, rather than anything greasy. He took his food into the park and found a bench to sit on. Despite the frosty conditions, there were a number of people enjoying the sunshine. Children played on swings and seesaws. Mothers sipped their coffee and chatted to each other between reminders to their offspring to play nicely and share. A group of elderly men argued over a game of cards.
Alex bit into his roast beef sandwich and chewed without tasting it. Seeing Sarah had rattled him more than he thought possible. His memories had kept him company for the last year, but she’d been out of harm’s way on the other side of the world, where his sins couldn’t touch her. Today he’d been so close, he’d almost called her name. To see her smile and remember a time when she’d lavished that smile on him.
Pathetic. He didn’t deserve Sarah. Or that kind of happiness. Not after the things he’d done.
‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’
Alex tensed, instantly on alert. The question came from a man charging toward a table next to the children’s play area.
‘Did I say you could go out?’
A woman stood and moved away from the group she was sitting with, raising her hands in surrender. ‘You were sleeping, I didn’t want Joey to wake you.’
Alex was close enough to see the man’s eyes bulging and spittle flying. ‘Bullshit. If you had any fucking clue, you’d be able to keep the fucking kid quiet for an hour.’
Alex gritted his teeth and forced himself to stay where he was. He couldn’t risk drawing attention to himself, especially if the cops turned up. Acid rose in his throat, and he hated himself just a little bit more.
The bald man kept screaming at the woman while she tried to calm him. A small boy ran towards the couple, crying for his mother. She turned to reassure the child while her friends pretended not to notice what was happening. People watched from a distance as he pushed the woman away from the child. No one moved to intervene.
Ghosts from long ago sent shivers up Alex’s spine. Without warning, he was seven years old again, playing with the other kids while the adults drank and barbecued. The men had ridden their motorbikes, leaving the women and children to travel by car, along with the food and drinks, to a National Park about an hour away from the clubhouse. This was more than twenty years ago, when bikers could still wear their colors and travel as one club without threat of arrest in Australia. The Devils were an awesome sight when they rode out as one.
From out of nowhere, his father, six feet tall and built like the monster he was, started in on his mother.
‘Useless bitch, I told you to bring the bourbon as well as the beer.’
‘Baby, you’ve got to ride home. I don’t want you to get done DUI again.’
‘That’s not your fucken’ call.’
‘Baby—’ Her words were cut short by the backhand across the face.
‘Don’t you hit my mum!’
He’d charged at his father, only to find his legs circling awkwardly in the air, a thick arm wrapped around his waist.
‘Leave it alone, Alex. It’s between your mum and dad.’
He struggled against the vice-like grip that held him, carrying Alex away from his father’s ugly words and his mother’s cries as his fist found her face. Connor eventually let him down, into the waiting arms of his wife, who’d crooned nonsensical words against his ear as his rage gave way to tears. It was a better outcome than the last time Alex had tried to stop his father from beating his mother. Then, his father had sent him flying across the room. He’d needed five stitches in the back of his head.
‘Luci, let’s have a drink.’ Luci was his nickname. Short for Lucifer. A fitting name for the enforcer of an outlaw motorcycle gang.
He took the beer Connor offered, leaving his wife to stem the bleeding from her nose, and his son seething with hatred.
Alex shook the memory from his head. The yelling had faded as the man and woman left the park, the little boy crying against his mother’s side as she tried to soothe him and protect him from the one man meant to protect them both. Everyone else in the park had turned their attention elsewhere. Out of sight, out of mind. Not their problem.
Alex’s heart hammered hard against his ribs. His parents were long gone and The Devils were in his past. He’d gotten free from all of that. Thanks to Sarah. She was the only one who’d ever seen him as more than the violence he’d been born and raised in. Maybe because he’d never fully exposed her to the reality of his life. She thought he was a mechanic working for a garage owned by The Devils. He warned her to never visit him because of the unsavory people that hung around. Sarah wasn’t stupid, she guessed he was also a member of the gang. But she had no idea who he really was.Whathe really was.
He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he could lock his past back into a box inside him. All he wanted was to be free, once and for all.
Sarah had done it. Escaped an abusive father and left behind her mother and brother who preferred to cover up the truth rather than face it. It was more reason he had to leave. She deserved to live without the fear of violence. Alex made up his mind. He would leave London tonight.
