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Without taking my eyes off the prize, I say, “I’ll get the next round.”
Straightening my spine and plastering on a smile I definitely don’t feel, I stride over to Dean with the confidence that comes so naturally to me in times of distress. He’s close to Kellan, but still far enough away so that our conversation won’t be overheard.
“Hey, Dean,” I say cheerily over the music as I sidle up to him, closer than I’d normally be, close enough to not be misinterpreted.
“Hey, Faye. Haven’t seen you all night.” He plops the soaked ball of napkins on the bar.
“Yeah, I’ve been around. Here and there, you know?” I spare a glance at Kellan, but he’s not paying attention to me.
I bite my lip in a way I know looks sexy and nod at Dean while he speaks, even though I’m not listening to a single word.
“Yeah, I get it. Hey, Lori went to the restroom to clean up, have you seen her?”
Kellan’s looking at me now.Make it more obvious, Faye!
“Ha ha ha! Oh wow! That’s so funny!” My laugh is convincing even though all I feel is darkness and hurt inside, and I shove his shoulder playfully.
He’s confused, it’s obvious in the pursing of his lips and the way his eyebrows draw together, but I keep laying it on. Kellan’s watching. I step closer to him and lay my hand on his bicep, fully aware of the fact that Kellan’s giving us all of his attention now.
“What . . . are you all right?”
“Yeah, totally fine.” But I’m not fine, since now there are two Deans and I can’t decide which one to look at.
“Are you sure? Whoa!” Both Deans are gripping my elbow and I realize he’s the only thing keeping me from falling over.
“Let’s get you some water.”
My brother appears out of nowhere, but there are two of him too, just like Dean. Fuck. One Adam is already bad enough, buttwo? How will I ever survive?
“Have you seen Lori? Was that her I just saw leaving the club—fuck, Faye. Seriously? Are you drunk right now?” The Adams sound angry, but why are they angry? I’m the one who fucked up with Kellan! I should be the angry one.
“I’m not drunk, I just want to sit down.”
The Adams shake their heads at me, disappointment written all over their faces. “Get your shit together, Faye. I’m going to find Lori. You got her, Dean?”
“Yeah, we’re fine.” The strong hands on my elbows pull me up again, and I didn’t even realize I was falling over.
The Adams turn around, but not before shooting me one last stern look, then they disappear. Finally. Adam’s always angry, but he lookedsuperangry right now. Both of him did.
“Why don’t we get you some water then get out of here?
Let’s find Kellan and the others,” the Deans say, and I decide to focus on the one on the left. He’s less blurry.
“No! We don’t need Kellan! I’m—”
Before I can finish the statement, bile rises up my throat.
Kellan’s standing in front of me now, and that’s the absolute last thing I need. “Faye? Are you o—”
He doesn’t finish. I slap my hand over my mouth and shove past him, nearly knocking myself over, but I make it all the way to the toilet before I remove my hand and let loose all the tequila and tacos I had into the bowl. By the time I’m done retching, my chest hurts, and I’m sure my mascara is running down my cheeks. The pit of self-despair that was sitting in my stomach earlier grows tenfold. It’s a fucking canyon now.
Puking in the club bathroom? So classy, Fayanna. I’m reallysetting the bar high here.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and lean against the dirty stall. I don’t want to think about why the floor is wet, and my head hurts too much to care anyway. This is an all-time low, and I feel sick for reasons other than the alcohol.
I’m making such a mess of things. Clearly flirting with other guys in front of Kellan isn’t doing anything except making a fool out of me. Does Kellanreallywant to be with a messy, unreliable girl who flirts with other guys and pukes her guts out at the club?
I certainly don’t want tobeher, but here I am.
