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‘Yes,’ he whispered, dropping his head into his hands.
‘Thenthat solves everything,’Elodiesaid.
Laterthat day,GabrielcalledDrReynaud.Thegood doctor gave him an appointment for that evening.
Thepower of the mind both terrified and awedGabriel.Assoon as he’d made the decision to get help, to try to become a man that was worthy ofJess, his pain stopped.Justlike that.
Thankfuck you’re getting help.I’mtired of being your excuse, saidFatima’svoice in his head.Hehuffed a laugh.
You’rea pain in my ass,he thought.
Always.Hepictured her cheeky wink.
Hehad a feeling he wouldn’t be hearing from her any time soon.
Whenhe’d returned to the apartment after seeingJessat the station,Johnsonwas still there, waiting for him.Johnsonsat him down for a heart-to-heart.Itwas the first time that they didn’t hide their feelings in reminiscences and alcohol.Hisold friend confessed that one of the reasons he wanted to seeGabrielwas to invite him to his wedding.He’dmet a woman while he was based inSingaporelast year and they fell in love.Shewas the one who had pushedJohnsonto seek help again and to stick with it, rather than giving up after a few months like previous times.Hername wasYvonneand her family was rich as fuck and apparently she had the hottest arse in theEast(she was a fitness influencer onInstagram).Butalso a really amazing person.Gabrielwas happy for his friend.
Unexpectedly,Johnsonhad then takenGabrielby the shoulders and said, ‘Youknow, you need to move past what happened,G.Youhave to forgive yourself.Youcouldn’t have done anything to stopFatima’sdeath.Itwas nobody’s fault.’
AlthoughGabrielhad heard those same words on many occasions from many people, it was the first time he actually listened.
Itmay have taken two more weeks and a kick up the bum from his sister, butGabrielfinally felt ready to heal.
Hejust hoped he could make some progress before it was too late for him andJess.
22
Todaywasthe big day andJesswanted to vomit.
Herinner scaredy cat, which she tried to listen to less these days, hoped to receive a cancellation message from the skydive company, but nope.Theday dawned blue and clear.NoOctoberweather warnings in sight.Infact, it was unseasonably warm.
Lastnight, she’d stayed at her parents’ house to make driving to the drop zone easier.Overbreakfast, she was so nervous that she spilt her tea all over her parents’ floral waxed tablecloth that they’d had since she was born.Asshe wiped it up, she said to her dad, ‘Remindme again whyIdecided it would be a good idea to do this?’
Herdad shook his head and pursed his lips dramatically. ‘Noidea, pumpkin.Youwouldn’t catch me dead jumping out of a plane.’
Sherolled her eyes.Notthe assurance she wanted. ‘Thanks, daddy.’
‘Justmake sure they give you one of those parachutes that opens.’Hepatted her on the hand and returned his attention to the newspaper.
Theperson she really wanted to talk to about this hadn’t been in touch with her since she’d leftParis.Notfor the first time,she wondered whatGabrielwould say to her if he saw her now.Somethingabout her spontaneity science fair project paying off.Heck, he’d probably want to do it with her.
Jessthought about her week inParisandGabrielevery day.Fromher heart to her lady parts, so many areas of her ached whenever she remembered their brief escape to the chateau.Shespent more time than she should have done examiningElodie’sFacebookpage, which suddenly seemed to be a font ofGabrielporn—well, not porn, but just a lot of pictures.Itdid not passJessby thatElodie’sfeedbeforeJesswent toParishad been mostly devoid of her brother, butafterseemed to be a veritable shrine to him.Jessliked to think it was for her benefit, and she appreciated it (she liked every photo).
She’deven started listening to classical music.Theother day, in the middle of a randomSpotifyplaylist, a classical piano version of ‘Thunderstruck’ mixed with the third movement ofBeethoven’s‘MoonlightSonata’ came on.Hermouth fell open, and she double-checked the song info to make sure she wasn’t going crazy.Inthe end, she’d played it ten times and, afterwards, she went to bed to sort herself out with her pink friend because the memories it evoked turned her on so intensely.
Whenshe went to sleep at night, it wasn’t the life she almost had withKrishthat she dreamed about, but the one she could have had withGabriel.She’dheard through theAnkitaGrapevinethatKrishandFrancescawere engaged.Apparently, he popped the question while they were travelling inRajasthan—a last-minute trip they took beforeFrancescawent into hospital for an operation (Ankitadidn’t supply all the details, soJessdidn’t know what the operation was for).Jessexpected to feel a kernel of jealousy at the news…but she didn’t.Eventhe speed at whichKrishhad proposed didn’t bother her.Shewished them all the best.Truly.Herheart had moved on, even if the man it settled on wasn’t physically in her life anymore.
Evennow, thinking aboutGabrielwas a full-body experience for her.Shemissed him.Notjust his touch, but him.Hisdry sense of humour, his sensitivity, the way he challenged her and made her take risks.Tofeel closer to him, she started learningFrenchon a language app.Herskills were slowly improving, and she had aced giving directions and discussing items on a menu—although in one section, it turned a bit macabre and asked her to translate ‘Whereshall we hide the bodies?’ and taught her to describe where various family members inLaRochellekept their shovels.
Perhapsshe’d take another trip toParisin the summer holidays, drop intoGabriel’sgallery and sayBonjour, show off her linguistic talents—and she wasn’t necessarily talking about herFrench.
Jessexhaled as she drove into the skydive company’s car park and found a free space.
Whenshe leftParis, she told him to look her up if he ever came toLondon.Wouldhe take her up on that?Forthe first few weeks, every time her phone rang or a message beeped, a surge of hope filled her.Maybeit wasGabriel!Butit never was.
Atsome point she’d need to move on.Oneof her work colleagues kept trying to setJessup with her brother, a hedge fund manager in theCity, butJessdidn’t feel ready.AfterKrishand thenGabriel, her heart had been shredded enough.Everyweek, her friend sent a new picture of her brother with a question mark.Hehad a fine square jaw and filled out a suit like aHugoBossmodel, but wheneverJessthought about saying yes, her heart said no.
Andthen there wereElodie’sFacebookpictures.Lately,Gabrielwas smiling in them.Forsome undefinable reason, that gaveJesshope, too.
